Shoveling and Driving In The Snow: A Mindful Perspective

 Promoting Wellbeing In Any Circumstance

I live in Minnesota and if you are unfamiliar with what our weather is like in the winter you may be assured it is cold. And snowy. Our temperatures do hover around the -20 C (-4 F) during this time but often get lower and on occasion in the low positives. As you may imagine the state is well prepared to handle what mother nature offers during this season. An abundance of snowplows and road salt and sand are not in short supply. The state does a well enough job to be sure of.

Our driveways, well those are a different story. That task is up to us.

Overnight we were gifted by nature about 35 cm (14 in) of snow. The snow is continuing as I write this too. I have always enjoyed the snow and still do to this day. Ever since I was a young boy, I would always be outside with my friends playing in it. From sledding down a nearby hill, to making snow forts, to snowball fights. I did not easily give in to the cold back then.

The snow was no surprise, it had been forecasted for several days. Looking outside it was a perfect winter landscape, almost like a Bob Ross painting. So peaceful. Very serene. It did not want to be disturbed.

But as with significant amount of snow it is necessary to shovel and clear your driveway. After my morning coffee and breakfast, it was time to begin.

At first glance the amount of snow may seem insurmountable.

But to think that way would be to water the seeds of negativity. It is not Right Thought.

Instead, I choose to view this important task with mindfulness and love.

When we are faced with a task that oftentimes may seem to be hard, time consuming, or cumbersome, we are given a wonderful choice.

We may face shoveling with negativity, “Ugh, I hate the snow and I hate the cold. And I hate shoveling snow’.

Or we may face shoveling with positivity, “How fortunate I am to be outside and how pretty the snow is but I need to remove it from the driveway for my family’s safety in case of an emergency’.

Whatever choice you chose is up to you but with either decision you still must shovel snow.

If you choose the negative mindset, you are more likely to not engage the task with mindfulness and the final product is sloppy.

This would not be Right Though and continuing with this mindset waters thoughts and emotions like criticism and anger. You are not truly living in the present moment because you are busy chastising nature rushing a necessary task.

Whereas if you view this action with positivity, you are cultivating Right Thought and the nurturing thought and emotions such as joyfulness, awareness, and love. You are living in the present moment and completing the task with mindfulness.

The same awareness can be brought to when it comes to driving in the snow. First, you do want to make sure conditions such as visibility are sufficient or that roads are not too icy. Again, you have two options, you can view this as a negative which does not promote wellbeing. Or as a positive which does promote wellbeing. And that is the beauty of what we are offered in life, choice.

And that is also the beauty in what we offer ourselves.

 

I wish you peace and ease,

Vladimir

What We Teach Our Children About Emotions

Promoting Emotional Wellbeing In Children 

I recently read a meme on Facebook, as I’m sure many of us do, that read something like this ‘I act strong for my children but when I’m alone I’m scared and want to cry’. And that got me thinking about how we as parents try to protect our children from any concerns, fears, or uncertainties we may have as parents. After all, as parents we are supposed to have the answers, offer stability, and provide guidance. 

But if we look at this action through mindfulness, we see that this very act of love and protection towards our children may in fact be the opposite of what is best for their development.

Why is that and what do I mean be this?

As mindfulness practitioners we know that feelings come, we invite them to sit with us, and then after a short time, we let them go. We know and understand that fear is living in the future and anxiety is the desire to control a situation. We cannot live in the future, nor may we control every aspect of a situation. We are not being accepting of what is being offered. Remember that ‘accepting’ is not ‘giving up’ but more of an acknowledgment of the circumstances. We may still work towards a more balanced path forward.

The detrimental aspect of our ‘protective’ actions is that this teaches our children that our emotions are shameful and need to be hidden, even from those we love. If you recall from some of my earlier posts and videos, we know that shame is a controlling behavior and does not promote wellbeing. Try to recall your emotions from a situation in your life where you felt the need to hide an action due to shame. As a result, hiding does not teach our children how to handle these new feeling and emotions that they are experiencing, many for the first time, appropriately. This may lead to emotional immaturity as they get older.

As a mindfulness instructor I see this result on a steady basis, adults not knowing how to handle difficult emotions with compassion and care. As a result, many of these adults have significant negative police interactions, relationship issues, and some have substance abuse concerns as well. Mindfulness will help ease their suffering, but it takes love, compassion, empathy, and time. But it will come.

When we allow our children to see how we handle difficult situations that encompass complex or hard emotions with acceptance and loving kindness, we are truly preparing them for stability, emotional maturity, and wellbeing as they walk their path. Notice I have not said our children need to know explicit details of the situation.

These conversations are something that need to be age appropriate. But it is certainly fine to say, ‘mommy had a difficult day at work, and I am mindfully accepting the day’ or ‘daddy and mommy are having a disagreement and we are mindfully working to find balance and harmony’. No specific details were offered of the situation, but an acknowledgment of a difficult situation was given. There was no shame introduced in hiding how you were feeling.

This is teaching our children how to positively accept emotions that may at first seem uncomfortable but as time goes on and they get older they will learn to say, ‘hello fear, I see you. Thank you for visiting but it is now time to leave’.

Wishing you peace and ease,

Vladimir

How Social Norms Control Our Wellbeing

How A Pastor Released Guilt And Shame

Last week my family and I, including my in-laws from overseas, we all able to meet my mother and her husband for the first time. It was such an enjoyable experience for all of us. We rented a home in Florida for four-days along the Gulf of Mexico. Mornings were leisurely consisting of a light breakfast of coffee, fruits and vegetables, rice, and pastries.

After breakfast we would all go to the beach and collect shells, talk, and just enjoy all the beauty that nature has provided us along the oceanside. This was also the first time my daughter met my mother, her grandmother. There were many firsts, and sadly, a few lasts as well. My wife’s parents are elderly and live overseas making this trip potentially the last. This is a mindful moment.

One evening while we sat at the dinner table having coffee and dessert, my mother who also is Buddhist, began to relate to me the first time she went to the Thai temple in the late 1980s. She told me how different it was than what she has experienced at a Christian or Catholic Church. All the different ornamentations throughout, smells of incense burning, and even set-up of the hall was not like she had ever experienced. Overall, it was certainly an enjoyable experience.

But the revealing aspect to this entire experience was how she felt afterwards, a little guilty and a little shameful for going ‘against’ Christianity. How was she supposed to reconcile participating in a non-Judaic-Christian religious service? And that’s where a Pastor came in to help ease her mind.

At the hospital where she worked as an ICU nurse, she ran into the hospitals pastor where she began to relate this experience and her current dilemma regarding her feelings. The kind pastor, with a warm and inviting smile, said to her ‘out of all of the religions out there, Buddhism practices love, kindness, empathy, and compassion towards all beings and is in no way against what Christianity’s message promotes’. There was nothing for her to wrestle within her mind now. This too is a mindful moment. 

But what I’d like for you to consider from this story is one of how society, and that may be any society, uses social norms to keep people behaving in a certain, safe, and predictable way. And that if you stray too far from what is acceptable, feelings of guilt, shame, and unworthiness begin to form and be watered. 

As I’ve talked about before in posts and during my Dharma livestreams, guilt and shame are controlling behaviors because we’ve conducted ourselves in some fashion outside of what is expected of us. And that conduct doesn’t even need to be harmful to others or ourselves to allow these feeling to begin grow.

When we live and follow the Noble Eightfold Path the Buddha has laid out for us, we know that our actions and thoughts are wholesome and positive right from our very intention. So it's important to be aware of when were feeling these controlling emotions. Recognize when we’re feeling them and say to them ‘I see you guilt’, ‘I see you shame’. Thank them for their brief visit and let them go. This too is a mindful moment.

I wish you peace and ease,

Vladimir

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.