An Interfaith Memorial Service - A Mindful Perspective

Death happens to us all. For some, life will be long and last many decades or perhaps all the way to the century point. Others, death may come much, much, sooner. Some may experience a violent death. Some may succumb to disease or illness, while most simply die in their sleep peacefully.

There is no escaping this natural process. We all are born. Live for a certain amount of time. And then we pass on to the next state.

And when this passing occurs, shortly thereafter family, friends, and loved ones gather to remember and honor this person. This loving occasion, in one form or another, is common to all religions and people of the world. 

One of my revered and sacred duties is to help honor and remember those who has passed in the Buddhist tradition. And over this past weekend my services were required.

I was approached by this loving family about a month ago and they asked if I was able to provide this type of service for their beloved family member. I replied in the affirmative and we began to work out the details since they were all coming from out of town.

There are many ways and traditions that may be followed depending on tone one would like to set but generally they range from traditional services to informal to somewhere in-between. However, they all encompass some traditional aspects such as paying reverence to the Buddha, sutras, and to referring to the person who has passed. In most traditions we refer to the one who has passed as still with us and addressing them by name.

Coming from a predominantly Christian family, the family members I had the pleasure to present to were kind and welcoming but a little unsure of what to expect. Afterall this was, I assume, the first time they had ever experienced any type of religious service other than a Christian one.

An alter was already set up with some wonderful pictures of the deceased that spanned throughout their life, there was a beautiful flower arraignment, as well as their ashes. I added some candles and invited others to light an incense stick if they wanted.

As I began, I warmly welcomed them and thanked them for coming to this service. I set the tone as one of light and informal, yet a supportive, gathering of friends. This matched the deceased persons personality.

When speaking to any audience it’s important to make some type of connection. Here I chose to highlight the similarities between the two types of services. In Buddhist services we offer homage to the Buddha. I let them know that Buddhist don’t regard him as a ‘God’ but we are acknowledging his achievements, much like a Christian might prey to St. Christopher before a journey or a high school student would to St. Mary before a math test.

Where something new or unfamiliar occurred, I explained the significance. This is how you build an understanding and promote growth.

After this was the eulogy which was then followed by an opportunity for family and friends to share their stories and fond memories of the deceased. As with most public speaking it’s hard to get the first one going but when it happens stories flow like a waterfall. It truly is an amazing time for all. 

We talked about the many gifts this person gave to those around her, from people needing guidance, to appliances, or just a warm hug. This person was always there to help support. And I gently let the audience know that this gathering too was a gift.  It’s a gift because many had not seen each other in many years, it offered an opportunity to overcome any petty disputes, and an opportunity to strengthen these very important family bonds. This was the final gift that was given to each one present.

I finished the service and I did notice people moving to different parts of the room and talking.

On my way out I was approached and told that initially many were skeptical of a Buddhist service at first, not knowing what to expect, but afterwards several viewpoints changed, and minds were opened.

And with that my friends I wish you all peace and ease,

Vladimir

You are warmly invited to follow on us on Facebook and Instagram @bluelotuscenter for more way to improve your mindfulness practice and wellbeing.

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

Website and monthly newsletter: www.bluelotusmeditation.us

For guided meditations and Dharma talks, please visit and subscribe to our YouTube channel.

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Developing Healthy And Positive Relationships With Mindfulness

Think about your last or perhaps your current relationship.

Did you look forward to seeing this person? Spending quality time with them?

What is it that you like about them? There may even be qualities that you’re not fond of but you accept, like having an action figure collection.

The first healthy relationship most people experience is with their mothers, fathers, grandparents and perhaps siblings. But this situation doesn't have to be true for everyone, every family is different, but these interactions often lay the foundation for our future relationships.

We see how our parents interact and assume that’s how all families interact. We learn respectful behavior. How to nurture someone in time of sickness or other need. We learn how to trust. We learn love. We learn conflict resolution. And we learn boundaries.

But not every family is warm and nurturing. Sadly, some homes are not so pleasant and this may result in perpetuating suffering in your own relationships in the future.

So how may we learn how to mindfully develop and nurture positive and healthy relationships?

Before we talk about how mindfulness can help, let’s look at some examples of unhealthy relationship traits. Keep in mind that the dynamic isn’t only male on female, but may be female on male, male on male, female on female, or any of the vast array of family relationships that exist.

• A codependent relationship
• A relationship this involves verbal, physical, and sexual violence
• A relationship that involves some form of addiction such as, alcohol, drugs, gambling.
• A relationship that is financially abusive.
• A relationship this is emotionally abusive.

Although there are more examples, a majority of unhealthy relationships will combine one or more of these traits.

We often relate relationships to a journey. A journey along our own individual path as we seek spiritual enlightenment or at the very least a harmonious and wholesome life.

And along this journey we've embarked upon we’d like to have company.

This is normal since people are social beings. And a partner helps us enjoy what we mindfully encounter along the way.

A partner helps us during times of illness. A partner is there to help us celebrate joyful occasions. And a partner helps us see the world with a different perspective which helps us remove preconceived notions.

Preconceived notions and ideas about others, including our partners, takes away from your understanding of who they truly are, an individual being like yourself. And maintaining preconceived notions promotes suffering.

For example maybe we say ‘you aren't the same person any more’. Here we make a prediction about a person, a negative illusion, about some ones expected behavior. You are suffering as a result of this expectation and so is the other person as a result.

Or on the opposite side maybe we have a positive illusion, 'my partner can do no wrong'. Here you are clinging to an idealized version of them which may lead to unrealistic expectations about their behavior. Again, more suffering for the both of you.

Before we may offer space for a partner along our journey we need to be sure we are ready and that we are healthy to do so. Meaning that we are with mindful awareness, opening ourselves to being vulnerable, and accepting another as they walk along their path as well. You are in the here and now, in the present moment.

If you feel you are ready then I offer you some gentle suggestions of what to look for.

• Gentle speaking
• Supportive.
• honest
• Non-violent.
• Not jealous or possessive
• Compassionate towards you, himself, and others
• Empathetic towards you, himself, and others
• And certainly you both love each other.

Mindfulness is a wonderful way to help value and strengthen a relationship both with yourself and others. And so as you continue on your journey, breath in and say ‘as I breathe in I walk in peace’ and as you breathe out say ‘as I breathe out I open myself to the beauty of others’.

And with that my friends I wish you all peace and ease,

Vladimir

You are warmly invited to follow on us on Facebook and Instagram @bluelotuscenter for more way to improve your mindfulness practice and wellbeing.

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

Website and monthly newsletter: www.bluelotusmeditation.us

For guided meditations and Dharma talks, please visit and subscribe to our YouTube channel.

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Enhancing Your Day With Mindful Driving

I used to be in such a hurry when I drove. Always rushing towards the next destination and not mindful of where I was at that moment. Now, I don’t even speed and I always arrive exactly when I’m supposed to, never early and never late.

Most Americans own a car. And it is in this box we seem to find ourselves spending a significant portion of our day commuting to work, school, to a grocery store, or some other necessary destination. If you’ve been driving for years, you’ve more likely become numb to many aspects of your car, the road, and the entire driving experience as a whole. 

We find our keys, unlock the door, turn on the ignition, the radio is already on from our previous excursion, put the shifter in D and go without as much as a second thought as to what mindful experience we’re missing.

So how may we embrace mindfulness into our driving to make it more a part of our being? Like most activities we undertake the experience begins before the actual event.

With driving we may begin with the time available to arrive at our destination. Did you wake up late and are rushing or do you have enough time to account for a delay? If you’re short on time you may begin to feel anxious whereas if you have plenty of time the experience will be more enjoyable.

Do you remember where your keys are? Be diligent about where you place your keys after each return. Searching frantically for them when you left them in yesterdays coat pocket removes from the enjoyable driving experience you’re about to make.

Walk leisurely towards your car. Look at the sky, breathe deeply and smell the air, feel the temperature on your skin. Take note for any flat tires or anything else that may prove hazardous for your drive.

As you sit in the driver’s seat, feel yourself being gently cradled. Are the seats leather or cloth? Are they warm or cold? When you fasten your seatbelt how does the click sound? You may not need to adjust your mirrors if you were the last to operate this vehicle but it’s a good practice to check. 

Keep the radio off for the entire drive. Although music is certainly enjoyable during today’s commute you’ll really be practicing driving mindfully. It it’s a nice day, open the window slightly. No air conditioner. Don’t speed either, not even by one mile per hour or KPH. Doing these little steps will help develop patience and awareness to where you are in this present moment.

As you drive, with both hands on the wheel, feel the road. Are there bumps or is it smooth. Just like life, there are smooth patches, areas of roughness, and even the occasional pothole.

Look at the other motorists. Are they speeding by you? Let them. Does it make you feel a little awkward? Ask yourself why.

Like the other motorists, you have a destination that you’re traveling too. But your destination isn’t the same as theirs. And in fact, your destination isn’t the ‘destination’ you’re truly journeying towards, is it? 

I wish you peace and ease, 

Vladimir

You are warmly invited to follow on us on Facebook and Instagram @bluelotuscenter for more way to improve your mindfulness practice and wellbeing.

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

Website and monthly newsletter: www.bluelotusmeditation.us

For guided meditations and Dharma talks, please visit and subscribe to our YouTube channel.

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