Mindfulness And The Multigenerational Household

Growing up in the United States it’s uncommon to find grandparents living at home. Yes, they do exist here and there and out of all my friends, and people I knew, there were only two households that were multigenerational. The rest were all what we would consider a nuclear family, mom and dad and one or two children.

Before I go further, I want to state that all families that are built on love, trust and safety are wonderful.  What I will bring forward here are some of the advantages of living in a multigenerational home.

As I travel in various communities in Asia, I see firsthand that it is very much the opposite. Here the grandparents or even married siblings all live in the same house. Homes are rarely empty during the day, and someone is always present to care for the grandparents. Children and grandchildren, are very common as well.

Weddings and engagement celebrations as well as funerial services also oftentimes occur in the home too.

What does this have to do with mindfulness?

A lot.

Being around people doesn’t allow for the sense of loneliness or isolation to take hold. It’s not that there isn’t any peace and quiet at home, there is, but a sense of responsibly to caring for relatives and the home doesn’t allow for unhealthy mindsets to take root.

Younger children learn a sense of community and boundaries as well. I all my years and travels I have yet to see a ‘tantrum’. Now, again, I’m not saying tantrums don’t happen, but they must not be as common as one may expect.

My latest travel was to Cambodia where I witnessed and participated in a funeral service. The body, as well as all of the religious traditions, were observed in the home. When the grandfather passed away, the body wasn’t taken away. Instead, it was lovingly prepared at home where it remained for about 5 days until the actual burial.

This situation is an important lesson when it comes to mindfulness and death. It reminds us, and teaches young children, that death is a natural part of life. It will happen to us all.  As we get older, bodies become frailer, and ailments begin to become more prevalent.

In Western society a lot of this is hidden away from young children. As such, when death of a cherished loved one does happen, feelings are not well addressed or handled. Parents often feel the need to ‘protect’ them from natural phenomena not realizing death also comes to the young as well.

This is an important lesson in mindfulness, being aware of and addressing hard feelings appropriately. And the earlier we teach children and young adults how to address these hard feelings with love and compassion instead of with fear and unskillful responses, the better off they will be when they reach adulthood.  

Sathu. Sathu. Sathu.

Buddham Saranam Gacchami

 
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Vladimir warmly and skillfully passes on the Buddhas Dharma to a world in need of loving-kindness, compassion, and empathy for the benefit of all living beings.
 
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Thoughts And Prayers And Mindfulness: Does It Work?

During times of sorrow and tears we often hear the words ‘thoughts and prayers’. These words are meant to offer comfort from the unaffected to the affected. But do these actions truly comfort them? Perhaps to some they do and that is a wonderful blessing. However, if we look more deeply into the ‘thoughts and prayers’ action maybe it’s meant to change the perspective of the one offering the ‘thoughts and prayers’.

If we change the terminology slightly from ‘thoughts and prayers’ to ‘mindful meditation’ we change the dynamic to one of sincere, personal reflection. When we send thoughts and prayers, we ask God to help ease the burden someone is experiencing. But God doesn’t interfere in that manner. He has left that important action up to us in the form of mindful meditation. 

As one sits in prayer they are focused on the suffering this person is experiencing. They open their hearts to them. As a result of this opening the emotions that naturally surface during this time revolve around compassion, empathy, and healing. No one desires to see another human being suffer in such extremes.

Let me offer an example, car seats. Before the use of car seats was made compulsory for children many children were severely injured or killed in car accidents. Thoughts and prayers (mindful meditation) were sent and eventually societies mindsets evolved to one that could not fathom how we did not better protect our children in the past. 

The evolution from no car seats then to car seats now did not occur overnight, over the course of a month, or year, but in fact took the better part of several decades. And during this time, a time of reflection and unfolding, mindsets that resisted such a positive movement with limiting statements like ‘I turned out OK’ or ‘I’d never confine my child like that’ eventually changed.

They changed not because a supreme deity waved their hand and changed their mind but because while they were offering thoughts and prayers ego gave way to compassion, stubbornness gave way to openness, and hardness gave way to empathy. This process happens slowly but it does happen. Remember, every single action we do is always proceeded by a thought. It may take some time for mindful thought to bloom in some, it nevertheless does. It happens one person at a time just like a jug is filled drop by drop. Right thought, which is always kind, leads to right action, which is always compassionate.

The more ingrained (or codified) a concept, notion, or idea is in a society the larger the jug and the more drops it will take to fill. And so, what often happens is that the ones who desire/crave a quicker change lose patience with those still in contemplation. This often leads to the shutting down of minds on both sides. Instead, patience is required even if during that time suffering is still occurring. Patience is a form of love and wisdom and is necessary to practice.

So, are thoughts and prayers working?

Yes, just not necessarily on the timeline some expect. Which is a different topic for discussion.

Wishing you continued peace and wellbeing,

Vladimir

You are warmly invited to follow on us on Facebook and Instagram @bluelotuscenter for more ways to improve your mindfulness practice and wellbeing.

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

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Mindfulness For Father And Sons

As a male in our society, like many of us I suppose, I was encouraged, or more honestly, taught what it was to be a 'man'. That a 'man' behaves a certain way. He doesn't cry. Doesn't show too much joy or happiness, emotions are a sign of weakness. He's the bread winner of the home. He's the firm disciplinarian. His say is final. He is an avid sports fan. Drinks beer. He cursus. And when his sights are set on a woman he is unapologetically like a panther on a deer. 

With all of these 'male' expectations to live up to it's no wonder why there's so much disconnect with who we are on the inside. So much rage and insecurity pile on inside when what he has been taught doesn't come to fruition. Men may feel lost. Men may feel sadness welling inside, like every other human being, but continues to feel the societal pressure to 'be a man'.

This cultural conditioning is passed on to their sons.

Which in turn is passed onto their sons. 

Fortunately we are beginning to witness small signs of change in how fathers interact and warmly nurture their sons. For example, we can turn to social media platforms and see post, stories, and reels of fathers not only lovingly embracing their infant and young sons but pre-teen and teen sons as well. Decades ago, even without the ease of posting to social media, this type of care was not likely displayed at home yet alone in public and certainly not for the world to see.

So how do men change their 'tough' exterior to one of nurturing and care?

The very first realization to consider is that what anyone, both woman and men, sees in the mirror is merely a shell containing a consciousness. Your exterior does not 'define' who you are. In our religion until you have experienced enlightenment you will continuously be reincarnated, in other words same the consciousness (or being) as now but in different forms with each rebirth.

So no matter what form you currently inhabit the consciousness that is 'you' is capable of so much more than what is offered to you culturally based upon your sex, physique, or socio-economic status. 

As you sit there with or observe or reflect on your son, think back to the reason you decided to become a parent in the first place. Was it so he could be mean to others? Was it so he could be the best fighter in the neighborhood? Was it so he could sexually harass or dominate over women? Or could it have been you wanted him to beat up those who are weaker then he?

I would hope that none of the above were the reasons a man decided to enter parenthood. 

Instead we want our son to be kind, considerate, and loving towards others. 

When we reframe our perspective from one of the visual, physical, shallow, and ego driven, to one that is more encompassing, eternal, loving, warm, compassionate, empathetic, we are better able to support our sons to navigate healthily in the world in that they will inevitable enter.

So we too as fathers need to let go of ego. Ego is not mindful, aware, open, or compassionate. Ego is nothing more than a thin, frail shell used as a shield to continue doing harm to sons, ourselves, and others.  

As fathers we may best support our sons wellbeing by showing that we too are capable of warmth, support, compassion, love, and soft physical connection.

Using mindfulness as we reflect on ourselves and our sons we begin to understand perhaps the stern discipline and harsh punishments was very harmful to our mental wellbeing. But also using mindfulness we understand that we are not our past, we have the ability to shed our old skin in favor of a new skin. A new skin that is not full of ego, anger, jealousy, insincerity, and fear but instead one this is full of love, compassion, empathy, and gratitude for the the opportunity to shape and cultivate a well developed son.

And with that my friends I wish you all peace and ease,

Vladimir

You are warmly invited to follow on us on Facebook and Instagram @bluelotuscenter for more ways to improve your mindfulness practice and wellbeing.

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

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Brighten Your Inner Light

If you’ve ever had the opportunity to watch children play you’ll notice they’re full of laughter, joy, compassion, and love. 

They find amazement with so much of what adults consider the

mundane, the routine, the boring. From a Ladybug walking on a blade of grass, a caterpillar inching its way up a tree, or even a stick laying on the ground. Everything is bright and warm.

They are filled with an inner light.

But what makes your adult life qualitatively different from when you were a child? Where did the curiosity you once had go? When did the days of your life begin to blend into one another without much distinction?

Very often we are bombarded with negativity, hourly, daily, weekly…moment by moment.

 

Whether it’s some form of political news, an unexpected bill or expense, a vehicle accident, a wildfire or natural disaster, or a violent altercation between human beings. Or even your daily routine. 

All of these events, when taken collectively, can diminish the light you have inside. They can make you cynical, uncaring, and unfortunately disconnected from others and ourselves.

That same inner light that you witness in children is still within you. But like any flame that is suffocating or lacking oxygen it gets smaller and smaller never quite extinguished but flickering on the brink.

So how may we bring back the ever important light inside us?

We cannot control much on the outside like natural disasters, political decisions, or accidents but we do have control over our daily mindset and activities.

And very often our typical daily activities, our routine if you will, is the reason our light begins to flicker. And our routine starts right when we wake up.

 

Perhaps when your alarm goes off you think, wow, I need to go back to work, a place I don’t like’.

Instead, reframe, try a more positive perspective, like wow, I woke up this morning. And today, I will walk with peace and spread joy and goodwill to all I meet. 

Morning gratitude is a wonderful way to introduce nurturing oxygen into your new day and into your inner light.

Now that you’re awake it is time for breakfast. Skip the sugary cereals, donuts, toast, bagels, or even worse fast food breakfast. You are what you consume.

 

Instead, cook. Dice peppers, chop onions, and slice carrots for your omelet if you choose. Or maybe some hard boiled eggs and fresh fruit and vegetables. 

Try not to use the reasoning of ‘I’m not hungry’ or 'I'm not a breakfast eater’ or 'I don't have the time in the morning. These are mindsets that suffocate your inner light. Instead, use this as a wonderful opportunity to practice mindful cooking. Become engaged with what the earth has so lovingly provided for you.

 

When you arrive at work or school, remember, everyone, teachers, coworkers, other students, supervisors, are all doing their best just like you. And just like you, they will have difficult days too, even though they won’t express it, just like you might not. If someone is short with you or is argumentative, instead of replying with anger or bruised ego, offer them a smile. They are suffering inside and a warm friendly smile is often what this person needs. Compassion and not more suffering. 

Compassion is a wonderful source of oxygen for your inner light - as well as for theirs.

When it’s time for lunch, are you reheating leftover pizza from a box? Maybe you’re going to the drive through for a bland fast food meal.

Food that has no color to it, bread or fried food, does not spark joy as Marie Kondo would say.

How could it, it’s not visually stimulating nor is it healthy. Heavily breaded food or food that is friend weighs you down. 

This part of your day really begins the night before or perhaps while making breakfast. It takes mindful effort and thought to prepare. Preparing food connects you to what you’re about to ingest or unite with your being. The smells, the texture, the vibrant colors, and the crisp sounds of cutting firm and nutritious foods.

Making your lunch visually appealing and well as wholesome breaths oxygen to your inner light right in the middle of your day.

After your day has ended or perhaps it’s a weekend, play. You may not bring out your old toys and dolls like a child but engage your mind in something creative. Paint. Take pictures. Write. Draw. Scrapbook. Bake or cook something new.

Creativity keeps the mind engaged in a way that is exploratory. And when you’re exploring, you’re engaged. And when you're engaged oxygen is being diverted from areas of stagnation to the light that is within you.

 

Another way to increase that oxygen to your inner light is to get outside. It doesn't even need to be a forest or lake but even a city street will do. Cities have cats, birds, dogs, and insects. Just observe and make it a point to take a few moments to watch the bird fly. Open your curiosity from oh, it’s just a bird to I wonder where it’s going. Is it looking for water or food? Is it flying back to its nest?

Throughout your day do good for others without any expectation of reciprocity. There is no good deed that is too small. In fact, as with most things in life, it's the small things that offer the greatest joy.

Your inner light has been hidden by years if not decades of routine, fear, anxiety, societal pressures and constructs. A light may only shine as bright as the flow of oxygen to the wick.

To change the flow you must change your mindset to one of love and empathy and non judgment towards yourself. Only then will you begin to brighten your inner light.

And with that my friends I wish you all peace and ease,

Vladimir

You are warmly invited to follow on us on Facebook and Instagram @bluelotuscenter for more way to improve your mindfulness practice and wellbeing.

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

Website and monthly newsletter: www.bluelotusmeditation.us

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The Real World: A Mindful Perspective

I remember growing up as a child my parents, teachers, and other adult authority figures telling us how easy we have and to 'just wait until you get into the real world'. At my age I've been in the 'real world' for quite some time and have seen and experienced a lot. 

After graduating high school, enlisting in the Marines, married, children, university, career...well several careers at this point, only to arrive at where I am at this moment. And after all I've seen, done, gained, lost, laughed, cried, loved, disagreed with, learned, forgotten, and relearned, I came to realization that the 'real' world is entirely perspective. 

As I look back with mindful reflection I've realized that each moment of my life, from birth to this present moment has been the real world. 

Each perceived moment of my real world was been based on my experiences and then perceiving those experiences based on how I thought they should be, not how they were. My perceptions were biased with cravings and desires. So in essence each moment of my childhood was my real world. Each moment of my adolescence was my real world. Each moment of my adult life was my real world.

At each stage of my life I was living my real world. Not my teachers, not my parents, not my friends, nor your real world. This realization was not truly unveiled to me until I had been a mindfulness practitioner for at least several months.

So how does the 'real' world affect our decisions and actions.

Consider this - rain.

Rain is simply rain. It is soothing, nurturing, and certainly essential for life. 

Not too far from where are meditation center is located in the south, they are experiencing a moderate drought. Not too alarming at this time but still something to be mindful of.

So when any rain does occur, farmers are joyful that their crops, for which they depend on to live, are receiving this nurturing event. 

But now consider a happy couple who have planned for months of a spectacular outdoor wedding and reception. If by chance you've ever planned a wedding some may be very extravagant but all are prepared with care and love.

When this very same rain event occurs those involved with the planning, especially the bride and groom on their special day, are saddened. They feel all of this planning has now been washed away with the rain.

So what was the difference between the two parties? Perspective resulting form cravings and desires. One is a joyful and welcome event while the other was 'disastrous'. Regardless of perspective we can mindfully look at this, the rain is out of our control. 

Our perspective shaped our real world. And very often without sincere reflection of events people tend to shape their real world negatively. Now, this bride and groom may never plan an outdoor event due to even the possibility of rain. And this negative view point can be carried on to many people they encounter. Their experience shaped their 'real' world.

So at this time I warmly invite you to offer some other examples in the comments below where experiences shape some ones 'real' world perception.

And with that my friends I wish you all peace and ease,

Vladimir

You are warmly invited to follow on us on Facebook and Instagram @bluelotuscenter for more way to improve your mindfulness practice and wellbeing.

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

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What We Teach Our Children About Emotions

Promoting Emotional Wellbeing In Children 

I recently read a meme on Facebook, as I’m sure many of us do, that read something like this ‘I act strong for my children but when I’m alone I’m scared and want to cry’. And that got me thinking about how we as parents try to protect our children from any concerns, fears, or uncertainties we may have as parents. After all, as parents we are supposed to have the answers, offer stability, and provide guidance. 

But if we look at this action through mindfulness, we see that this very act of love and protection towards our children may in fact be the opposite of what is best for their development.

Why is that and what do I mean be this?

As mindfulness practitioners we know that feelings come, we invite them to sit with us, and then after a short time, we let them go. We know and understand that fear is living in the future and anxiety is the desire to control a situation. We cannot live in the future, nor may we control every aspect of a situation. We are not being accepting of what is being offered. Remember that ‘accepting’ is not ‘giving up’ but more of an acknowledgment of the circumstances. We may still work towards a more balanced path forward.

The detrimental aspect of our ‘protective’ actions is that this teaches our children that our emotions are shameful and need to be hidden, even from those we love. If you recall from some of my earlier posts and videos, we know that shame is a controlling behavior and does not promote wellbeing. Try to recall your emotions from a situation in your life where you felt the need to hide an action due to shame. As a result, hiding does not teach our children how to handle these new feeling and emotions that they are experiencing, many for the first time, appropriately. This may lead to emotional immaturity as they get older.

As a mindfulness instructor I see this result on a steady basis, adults not knowing how to handle difficult emotions with compassion and care. As a result, many of these adults have significant negative police interactions, relationship issues, and some have substance abuse concerns as well. Mindfulness will help ease their suffering, but it takes love, compassion, empathy, and time. But it will come.

When we allow our children to see how we handle difficult situations that encompass complex or hard emotions with acceptance and loving kindness, we are truly preparing them for stability, emotional maturity, and wellbeing as they walk their path. Notice I have not said our children need to know explicit details of the situation.

These conversations are something that need to be age appropriate. But it is certainly fine to say, ‘mommy had a difficult day at work, and I am mindfully accepting the day’ or ‘daddy and mommy are having a disagreement and we are mindfully working to find balance and harmony’. No specific details were offered of the situation, but an acknowledgment of a difficult situation was given. There was no shame introduced in hiding how you were feeling.

This is teaching our children how to positively accept emotions that may at first seem uncomfortable but as time goes on and they get older they will learn to say, ‘hello fear, I see you. Thank you for visiting but it is now time to leave’.

Wishing you peace and ease,

Vladimir

Mindfulness, Schools, and Our Children’s Mental Wellbeing

Incorporating A Safe Space For Our Children

There was a TicTok video circulating recently calling for violence in our schools across our society. Although law enforcement determined this to be a non-credible threat many parents chose to keep their children home. Some schools even closed. My daughter text me to come pick her up early due to her not feeling safe in her school, regardless of the additional police presence.

This text message and ensuing conversation with her caused me to pause and reflect not only on this type of situation that has become an all-too-common occurrence but to many other forms of anxiety and fear within our school system. 

Setting these types of gross violent incidents aside for a moment, consider how often our children experience bullying, ridicule, and instances of ostracizing on a daily basis.

These non-newsworthy actions result in feelings of anxiety and fear in a child in a place that is designed to enrich our young peoples lives.

When we think about our children being bullied we often neglect the ‘bully’ themselves. But they too are victims of fear, violence, ridicule, and anxiety, more likely as a result of some form of trauma at home. 

So here too, a child’s home, is a place that is supposed to be supportive, comforting, and safe for a them but yet it isn’t.

So where is a young person, a child, supposed to feel safe during their day if needed?

Think about a location where you would want to retreat to in these circumstances and what you find comforting, relaxing, non-judgmental, and safe.

During my reflection a thought entered my mind. A room with no tables, no chairs, no aromas, but only soft, clean, and inviting cushions to sit on, and low, and soft, ambient lighting. A room of tranquility.

Notice I make no mention of sounds or aromas. This is deliberate because sounds and aromas may trigger the memory of trauma which is what we’re trying to avoid in this room.

Imagine if this type of room were readily available at all times during the school day. Who could potentially use this type of safe space?

I’m sure we can picture a child who is bullied in this room but what about the ‘popular’ girl or boy who is being sexually molested that we have no idea about. Or perhaps it’s the child who is unassuming, who avoids attention because they don’t cause trouble but yet they feel alone inside with screams of pain well hidden from all.

People need a retreat, a safe space, somewhere to regain their balance. A room of tranquility has the potential to offer this to some child in need.

A room of tranquility doesn’t need to be staffed with a mental health professional. It could be staffed with a teacher, an administrator, a priest, a rabbi, a volunteer senior citizen. The only requirement needed is non-judgmental listening if needed and no offerings of advice or suggestions.

Maybe this is the room where a student realizes that their life has value. Maybe this is the room where a student reaches out to a trusted adult to let them know what is happening at home. Maybe this is the room where a student realizes that committing an act of violence in their school will only cause more suffering.

Something to consider, don’t you think?
 

I wish you peace and ease,

Vladimir

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

The Thirty-Three Year Old Grudge

Holding On To The Past To Inhibit Love

Imagine being angry all of the time. What damage must that do to your spirit over the course of an hour? A day? A week? Or, 30 years?

We have often heard that holding onto anger and resentment is like travelling with excess baggage at the airport terminal. It is cumbersome to move around, we bump into people along the way, and we may not get to our gate on-time. It certainly makes for an unpleasant experience moving from one location to another.

Now, imagine holding onto a grudge because of something that happened, not necessarily to you, but within a family. Divorce.

Children and young teens often lack the emotional maturity to realize that whatever is happening between the parents has nothing to do with them. 

Lacking the necessary coping skills, young people often express themselves through unhealthy ways. Violence, sexual activity, stealing, thrill-seeking, drugs, or alcohol may be among these expressions.

All of these actions, and many more, are examples of suffering. 

And as a result, sadly, this all too often extends suffering towards other family members and friends as well. 

In other terms, suffering is labeled as a traumatic experience. And it’s important to remember that trauma is defined by the survivor not necessarily by a specific circumstance.

Sometimes as children mature they 'grow' out of this self-destructive behavior. They've learned to accept the circumstance and to let go of the past so that they may move forward and blossom. 

Sometimes they do not.

It's commonly believed that people need to 'integrate' their trauma to overcome or deal with the experience but that's not true. The traumatic event has already happened. It no longer exists, the danger has passed, but remains in the memory. 

It's commonly believed that people need to 'integrate' their trauma to overcome or deal with it but that's not true. The traumatic event has already happened. It no longer exists, the danger has passed, but remains in the memory. 

The next step, which can be difficult, is accepting that what has happened did happen, and realize it is in the past which can no longer affect us. Acceptance is then followed by letting go, which too can be difficult as well. 

Acceptance and letting go can be successfully accomplished with mindful meditation.   

Imagine a couple divorcing over 30 years ago and one child, now in their upper 40s, still using that experience as justification for their current behavior. 

'I act the way I do in 2021 because of what happened in 1988'

Knowingly causing harm to themselves and others but not seeking the help necessary to stop the suffering that they continuously experience has persisted for decades.

This traumatic event, for this poor child, has been watered and nurtured into resentment and has now manifested as a long-term grudge. 

Long-term happiness, balance, and joy have been replaced with superficial, short-term relationships, low self-esteem, negative police interactions, and perpetual suffering.

This is not a wholesome and balanced lifestyle especially when so much more is out there and readily available.

Sadly, this has been a long, lonely time to carry this baggage in a terminal to not arrive at a peaceful destination. 

So how may mindfulness help relieve this suffering?

When we sit mindfully breathing in, we can say ‘As I breath in I feel my suffering’. ‘As I breath out I walk forward with peace’

The in breath acknowledges and accepts the suffering they are experiencing while the exhale allows this suffering to pass and they may walk forward without continued suffering.

If you know of someone who has experienced a traumatic event let them know that help is available.

I wish you peace and ease,

Vladimir

Blue Lotus Mindfulness and Meditation Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.