Mindfulness And The Multigenerational Household

Growing up in the United States it’s uncommon to find grandparents living at home. Yes, they do exist here and there and out of all my friends, and people I knew, there were only two households that were multigenerational. The rest were all what we would consider a nuclear family, mom and dad and one or two children.

Before I go further, I want to state that all families that are built on love, trust and safety are wonderful.  What I will bring forward here are some of the advantages of living in a multigenerational home.

As I travel in various communities in Asia, I see firsthand that it is very much the opposite. Here the grandparents or even married siblings all live in the same house. Homes are rarely empty during the day, and someone is always present to care for the grandparents. Children and grandchildren, are very common as well.

Weddings and engagement celebrations as well as funerial services also oftentimes occur in the home too.

What does this have to do with mindfulness?

A lot.

Being around people doesn’t allow for the sense of loneliness or isolation to take hold. It’s not that there isn’t any peace and quiet at home, there is, but a sense of responsibly to caring for relatives and the home doesn’t allow for unhealthy mindsets to take root.

Younger children learn a sense of community and boundaries as well. I all my years and travels I have yet to see a ‘tantrum’. Now, again, I’m not saying tantrums don’t happen, but they must not be as common as one may expect.

My latest travel was to Cambodia where I witnessed and participated in a funeral service. The body, as well as all of the religious traditions, were observed in the home. When the grandfather passed away, the body wasn’t taken away. Instead, it was lovingly prepared at home where it remained for about 5 days until the actual burial.

This situation is an important lesson when it comes to mindfulness and death. It reminds us, and teaches young children, that death is a natural part of life. It will happen to us all.  As we get older, bodies become frailer, and ailments begin to become more prevalent.

In Western society a lot of this is hidden away from young children. As such, when death of a cherished loved one does happen, feelings are not well addressed or handled. Parents often feel the need to ‘protect’ them from natural phenomena not realizing death also comes to the young as well.

This is an important lesson in mindfulness, being aware of and addressing hard feelings appropriately. And the earlier we teach children and young adults how to address these hard feelings with love and compassion instead of with fear and unskillful responses, the better off they will be when they reach adulthood.  

Sathu. Sathu. Sathu.

Buddham Saranam Gacchami

 
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Vladimir warmly and skillfully passes on the Buddhas Dharma to a world in need of loving-kindness, compassion, and empathy for the benefit of all living beings.
 
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An Interfaith Memorial Service - A Mindful Perspective

Death happens to us all. For some, life will be long and last many decades or perhaps all the way to the century point. Others, death may come much, much, sooner. Some may experience a violent death. Some may succumb to disease or illness, while most simply die in their sleep peacefully.

There is no escaping this natural process. We all are born. Live for a certain amount of time. And then we pass on to the next state.

And when this passing occurs, shortly thereafter family, friends, and loved ones gather to remember and honor this person. This loving occasion, in one form or another, is common to all religions and people of the world. 

One of my revered and sacred duties is to help honor and remember those who has passed in the Buddhist tradition. And over this past weekend my services were required.

I was approached by this loving family about a month ago and they asked if I was able to provide this type of service for their beloved family member. I replied in the affirmative and we began to work out the details since they were all coming from out of town.

There are many ways and traditions that may be followed depending on tone one would like to set but generally they range from traditional services to informal to somewhere in-between. However, they all encompass some traditional aspects such as paying reverence to the Buddha, sutras, and to referring to the person who has passed. In most traditions we refer to the one who has passed as still with us and addressing them by name.

Coming from a predominantly Christian family, the family members I had the pleasure to present to were kind and welcoming but a little unsure of what to expect. Afterall this was, I assume, the first time they had ever experienced any type of religious service other than a Christian one.

An alter was already set up with some wonderful pictures of the deceased that spanned throughout their life, there was a beautiful flower arraignment, as well as their ashes. I added some candles and invited others to light an incense stick if they wanted.

As I began, I warmly welcomed them and thanked them for coming to this service. I set the tone as one of light and informal, yet a supportive, gathering of friends. This matched the deceased persons personality.

When speaking to any audience it’s important to make some type of connection. Here I chose to highlight the similarities between the two types of services. In Buddhist services we offer homage to the Buddha. I let them know that Buddhist don’t regard him as a ‘God’ but we are acknowledging his achievements, much like a Christian might prey to St. Christopher before a journey or a high school student would to St. Mary before a math test.

Where something new or unfamiliar occurred, I explained the significance. This is how you build an understanding and promote growth.

After this was the eulogy which was then followed by an opportunity for family and friends to share their stories and fond memories of the deceased. As with most public speaking it’s hard to get the first one going but when it happens stories flow like a waterfall. It truly is an amazing time for all. 

We talked about the many gifts this person gave to those around her, from people needing guidance, to appliances, or just a warm hug. This person was always there to help support. And I gently let the audience know that this gathering too was a gift.  It’s a gift because many had not seen each other in many years, it offered an opportunity to overcome any petty disputes, and an opportunity to strengthen these very important family bonds. This was the final gift that was given to each one present.

I finished the service and I did notice people moving to different parts of the room and talking.

On my way out I was approached and told that initially many were skeptical of a Buddhist service at first, not knowing what to expect, but afterwards several viewpoints changed, and minds were opened.

And with that my friends I wish you all peace and ease,

Vladimir

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