Exploring Mindfulness For Teens

Being a teen in this day and age is much different than when your parents were your age. I'm sure you've heard this before. This same sentiment was certainly felt when your grandparents talked to your parents as well about most of the same concerns. If you choose to have children, these same feelings and sentiments will be expressed to them. It's a normal cycle from parent to child. 

But for now, let's explore mindfulness today and how it will benefit your current as well as your future wellbeing. Your thoughts and concerns about so many changes and new experiences may all seem overwhelming. So as you read this know that this time, right now is all about you, your relationship with your parents, teachers, friends, the future, and the most important relationship you’ll ever have: with yourself.

So many aspects of your life are at a point where they may feel like they just want to burst out. This is normal. Our bodies experience many different sensations that are a result of our brains releasing different hormones into our system. This may, at times even manifest itself in an uncomfortable physical sensation. 

Sometimes, depending on the intensity of the sensation our mind may construct some type of story which oftentimes isn't true. We may feel overly sensitive to some from of rejection when there was no intended malice. Before we respond, we need to mindfully examine the situation for what is is and not what we 'think' it is. 

So when we experience these uncomfortable sensations it is important to recognize these conditions in the moment so we may bring mindful awareness to them. Remember, being mindful is also being non-judgmental towards having those feelings.

As a teen I'm sure you have many different types of relationships, but how do you walk a wholesome path with your relationships? 

How do your peers feel? Your peers have the exact questions as you and are experiencing the same feelings of uncertainty you are, although they may express it differently.

Some common questions you may have are:

    - Do my friends like me? Sure, they're your friends!

    - What will I do after high school? Does it truly matter? I promise you it doesn't but what does matter is how kind you are. That's what people will remember.

    - Are you the class clown? This 'hey, look at me' suggests that one is desiring affirmation or some form of positive reinforcement from a bad behavior. A sarcastic remark perhaps?

    - Social media presence. Keep it 'G - Rated'. There was an old saying during World War II that went 'loose lips, sink ships'. You don't want that sinking ship to be yours next week, next year, or five-years from know. Besides, you shouldn't be doing hurtful things anyway, right?

    - Parents. Yes, they love you and yes, they're proud of you. Sometimes parents get mad at you because of 'their' expectations for you. It's an extension of their world view that doesn't necessarily align with yours. Be cool about it and simply bring awareness to the fact that they don't want to see you hurt.

    -Teachers. This is a hard job, no question about it. Imagine you coming into work each day and seeing probably over 100 different people each with their own unique personality and needs going through life changes. Not to mention teachers are people too that are also dealing with sometimes stressful life events. Be empathetic and compassion towards them. 'After' you graduate recall a few of the good ones and friend them on Facebook (old people don't use Snapchat) and keep in contact with them. Knowing they made a positive difference in a students life is truly why they're in the profession.

    - Yourself. You will always have you. The face in the mirror will change as you get older but your essences will always be 'you'. Long after your body has ceased to exist, your conscience will always be there. Do good and engage in kind actions in this life so that you have a better future in this life and the next.

As you begin to experience more situations it’s important to start now to develop the necessary skills to mindfully address not only adversity and disappointment but overwhelming joy and good times as well. Both circumstances can lead to additional suffering if not viewed appropriately.

How can too much joy cause suffering?

When either side of our emotional state is out of balance suffering occurs but when we are too overjoyed for too log we develop an emboldened ego. This leads to feelings of superiority which may lead to risk taking behavior.

You will make mistakes along the way, we all do, including adults, and the mistakes we make aren’t the problem. It’s living in them long after they have occurred. Learning to let go of guilt and shame are liberating and allow you to experience life in a more wholesome way. Learning to let go also holds true to those who may have hurt you.

So how can you, as a teen, begin mindfulness practice?

Meditation is certainly involved in the process but even before you begin this truly search your feelings before you speak or engage in an action. Ask yourself, is it wholesome?

Be certain to help others. Look at service activities at your school (homeless, food pantry, relief funds). Being of service to others develops empathy and compassion and lets go of greed and callousness.

Do your best to try and not wish away your life. Statements like 'I can’t wait until I get my drivers license, or go off to college' take you out of the present moment. Being mindful is about being in the present moment, not the future nor the past.

Apologize first, no matter what the offense. This offers grace and compassion to both of you.

Use kind speech and don’t be sarcastic. The humor wears out quickly and is unappealing even when people laugh.

And last but not least, join our teen sangha - it’s free Wednesdays at 3:30 PM CST. It's important to have a mindful community to help you along.

Wishing you continued peace and wellbeing,

 

Vladimir

 

You are warmly invited to follow on us on Facebook and Instagram at @bluelotuscenter for more ways to improve your mindfulness practice and wellbeing.

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

Website and monthly newsletter: www.bluelotusmeditation.us

For guided meditations and Dharma talks, please visit and subscribe to our YouTube channel.

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Mindfulness As A Family Practice

Mindfulness and meditation isn't a way of life that's about solitude or sequestering ourselves from others. In fact, it's very much the opposite. When we look at the purpose of mindfulness and meditation we see that it’s focus is on connections and the easing of suffering. Not only our suffering but others as well.

This inherent nature makes a mindfulness and meditation practice ideal for the family that will help strengthen this vital relationship.

Let's explore ways to include the family.

As is often the situation whenever there's a new aspect involving family it’s not uncommon that we find some resistance. This resistance is often true with teens but may present itself in anyone. As a mindful behavior we don’t force or shame anyone to try these practices.

Be the roll model. It's important to let others witness first hand the benefits that come from a mindfulness practice. But as a reminder, these benefits don't appear over night so be patent.

Here are some wonderful and readily available home examples:

• Let family members visible see you practice mindfulness
• Mindful walking
• Outside and in the home
• Journaling
• Cooking
• Eating
• Cleaning
• Driving
• Shopping
• Talking
• Laundry
• Even meditation

As you mindfully engage these activities invite someone to try any one of the above (or more) mindful actions. For the resistant family member you can even ask them mindful questions nonchalantly.

For example, if you're cutting a carrot for a salad ask them ‘where do you think this carrot came from’? Prompting them to go from the store all the way back to the farm.

Follow up by asking ‘how do you think the body will react to receiving the nourishment from the carrot’?

Continue by asking ask them to cut the carrot, if they’re old enough, and have them describe how it feels to slice it. Is it easy or hard? Is the fragrance pleasing? What about the texture and color?

Like all new ‘habits’ mindfulness may take some time to nurture and to come into its own, and that's OK. Our bad habits are the result of the constant bombardment of our worlds distractions and negativity and wont dissolve in a matter of weeks even. Give it time. Be patient. 

As you slowly progress feel confident in knowing that your family is growing and unfolding from one that was distracted to one that is blossoming.

And as a reminder to you below are only some of the positive outcomes of your families new journey.

Benefits of a family mindfulness practice:

• A more nurturing family relationship
• No yelling or arguing
• Trusting
• Quality time instead of ‘busy’ time.
• Stronger outside relationships too
• Accepting of others
• Empathetic of others
• Compassionate towards others
• Improved grades for school age children

Wishing you continued peace and wellbeing,

 

Vladimir

 

You are warmly invited to follow on us on Facebook and Instagram at @bluelotuscenter for more ways to improve your mindfulness practice and wellbeing.

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

Website and monthly newsletter: www.bluelotusmeditation.us

For guided meditations and Dharma talks, please visit and subscribe to our YouTube channel.

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Opening Your Heart To Understanding Others

Life is like a box of chocolates…full of wonderful surprises, but sometimes we bite into something we may not like. And what you may not like someone else may find joy in. Likes and dislikes are as varied as flowers on the planet.

With this myriad diversity of tastes is where we open our hearts so that we may better understand why someone may have a particular interests or behave in the way they did. We listen with mindful awareness.

Regardless of whether we like what we’ve bitten into, we have learned a valuable lesson. And with the right perspective this too is a positive.

What does it mean to open to others?

Opening to someone else's perspective shows you value them as a living being. It's not necessary that you even like their perspective or action. It's merely the acknowledgment of their existence that's truly powerful. Recall a time when something you said or did that was glossed over with a nonchalant shrug. Did you feel seen or valued at that time?

It shows that you are opening up to vulnerability.

This may be the hard part for most as we often view vulnerability as a weakness. Look at all of the tough guy movies people seem to love. Characters in these fictional stories are often the loner type with a grudge against the world. Ego gets involved and clouds your judgment. Think back to a time when you thought it was 'right' to be unmoving in front of someone else because you felt you couldn't show an imaginary weakens.

How to be open to others?

Empathy. Recall a similar experience (hard or joyful) you faced; it doesn't need to be exactly like theirs. Don’t respond with ‘toughen up’ or ‘if I can do it, so can you’ or similar phrases. Phrases such as these are hurtful and suggest to the listener that their actions or feelings are less than.

Compassion. There’s nothing wrong with someone or yourself in being ‘soft’. Remember, the world is full of suffering. As Dharma and mindfulness practitioners, when we help ease the suffering of others, we help ease our own suffering. We also show compassion by adhering to personal boundaries. If we always say ‘yes’, we may be perpetuating suffering. Listening and not speaking while the other person is talking. Avoid saying ‘you should have / could have’ comments. Instead, if you have insightful suggestions phrase ‘have you tried’ or what works for me.

Avoiding gossip. Gossip perpetuates suffering and is neither nurturing nor developmental to ones wellbeing. Remember 'Right Speech' from the Noble Eightfold Path. When we listen to such talk, we are diminishing the persons experience in favor of a hurtful moment.

In order to understand someone we don’t necessarily need to have experienced the same exact situation as they. In fact, two people that experience the same situation may and often do take away completely differing experiences.

For example, when I was in Marine Corp boot camp, I had an enjoyable experience overall (don't get me wrong, it was still challenging!). Others, not so much and they had an extremely hard time. So, when we want to understand others suffering we need to open ourselves up with empathy and compassion to their experiences without judgment.

So as you bite into each new experience with someone be sure you do so with openness so that you may truly learn and potentially teach from the experience.

Wishing you continued peace and wellbeing,

 

Vladimir

 

You are warmly invited to follow on us on Facebook and Instagram at @bluelotuscenter for more ways to improve your mindfulness practice and wellbeing.

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

Website and monthly newsletter: www.bluelotusmeditation.us

For guided meditations and Dharma talks, please visit and subscribe to our YouTube channel.

Facebook

Instagram