Exploring Mindfulness For Teens

Being a teen in this day and age is much different than when your parents were your age. I'm sure you've heard this before. This same sentiment was certainly felt when your grandparents talked to your parents as well about most of the same concerns. If you choose to have children, these same feelings and sentiments will be expressed to them. It's a normal cycle from parent to child. 

But for now, let's explore mindfulness today and how it will benefit your current as well as your future wellbeing. Your thoughts and concerns about so many changes and new experiences may all seem overwhelming. So as you read this know that this time, right now is all about you, your relationship with your parents, teachers, friends, the future, and the most important relationship you’ll ever have: with yourself.

So many aspects of your life are at a point where they may feel like they just want to burst out. This is normal. Our bodies experience many different sensations that are a result of our brains releasing different hormones into our system. This may, at times even manifest itself in an uncomfortable physical sensation. 

Sometimes, depending on the intensity of the sensation our mind may construct some type of story which oftentimes isn't true. We may feel overly sensitive to some from of rejection when there was no intended malice. Before we respond, we need to mindfully examine the situation for what is is and not what we 'think' it is. 

So when we experience these uncomfortable sensations it is important to recognize these conditions in the moment so we may bring mindful awareness to them. Remember, being mindful is also being non-judgmental towards having those feelings.

As a teen I'm sure you have many different types of relationships, but how do you walk a wholesome path with your relationships? 

How do your peers feel? Your peers have the exact questions as you and are experiencing the same feelings of uncertainty you are, although they may express it differently.

Some common questions you may have are:

    - Do my friends like me? Sure, they're your friends!

    - What will I do after high school? Does it truly matter? I promise you it doesn't but what does matter is how kind you are. That's what people will remember.

    - Are you the class clown? This 'hey, look at me' suggests that one is desiring affirmation or some form of positive reinforcement from a bad behavior. A sarcastic remark perhaps?

    - Social media presence. Keep it 'G - Rated'. There was an old saying during World War II that went 'loose lips, sink ships'. You don't want that sinking ship to be yours next week, next year, or five-years from know. Besides, you shouldn't be doing hurtful things anyway, right?

    - Parents. Yes, they love you and yes, they're proud of you. Sometimes parents get mad at you because of 'their' expectations for you. It's an extension of their world view that doesn't necessarily align with yours. Be cool about it and simply bring awareness to the fact that they don't want to see you hurt.

    -Teachers. This is a hard job, no question about it. Imagine you coming into work each day and seeing probably over 100 different people each with their own unique personality and needs going through life changes. Not to mention teachers are people too that are also dealing with sometimes stressful life events. Be empathetic and compassion towards them. 'After' you graduate recall a few of the good ones and friend them on Facebook (old people don't use Snapchat) and keep in contact with them. Knowing they made a positive difference in a students life is truly why they're in the profession.

    - Yourself. You will always have you. The face in the mirror will change as you get older but your essences will always be 'you'. Long after your body has ceased to exist, your conscience will always be there. Do good and engage in kind actions in this life so that you have a better future in this life and the next.

As you begin to experience more situations it’s important to start now to develop the necessary skills to mindfully address not only adversity and disappointment but overwhelming joy and good times as well. Both circumstances can lead to additional suffering if not viewed appropriately.

How can too much joy cause suffering?

When either side of our emotional state is out of balance suffering occurs but when we are too overjoyed for too log we develop an emboldened ego. This leads to feelings of superiority which may lead to risk taking behavior.

You will make mistakes along the way, we all do, including adults, and the mistakes we make aren’t the problem. It’s living in them long after they have occurred. Learning to let go of guilt and shame are liberating and allow you to experience life in a more wholesome way. Learning to let go also holds true to those who may have hurt you.

So how can you, as a teen, begin mindfulness practice?

Meditation is certainly involved in the process but even before you begin this truly search your feelings before you speak or engage in an action. Ask yourself, is it wholesome?

Be certain to help others. Look at service activities at your school (homeless, food pantry, relief funds). Being of service to others develops empathy and compassion and lets go of greed and callousness.

Do your best to try and not wish away your life. Statements like 'I can’t wait until I get my drivers license, or go off to college' take you out of the present moment. Being mindful is about being in the present moment, not the future nor the past.

Apologize first, no matter what the offense. This offers grace and compassion to both of you.

Use kind speech and don’t be sarcastic. The humor wears out quickly and is unappealing even when people laugh.

And last but not least, join our teen sangha - it’s free Wednesdays at 3:30 PM CST. It's important to have a mindful community to help you along.

Wishing you continued peace and wellbeing,

 

Vladimir

 

You are warmly invited to follow on us on Facebook and Instagram at @bluelotuscenter for more ways to improve your mindfulness practice and wellbeing.

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

Website and monthly newsletter: www.bluelotusmeditation.us

For guided meditations and Dharma talks, please visit and subscribe to our YouTube channel.

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Mindfulness And Civil Conversations

How often do we see public figures speaking unkindly towards another person or group of people?

This results in suffering for all. 

How often do we see videos where someone is verbally attacking another person?

This too, results in suffering for all.

It seems it’s easy to speak harshly towards another when we view them as less than we are. Maybe they’re African, Asian, Hispanic, Caucasian, Christian, Muslim, atheist, gay, straight, transgendered, conservative, liberal, or socialist. All you know is that they are not ‘you’ and you feel that justifies harsh speech.

Maybe someone made a mistake on your food order. Maybe your package arrived late and damaged. Maybe you had to wait in line too long for a service in your opinion. Perhaps you’re displeased with a grade on an assignment and your teacher is firm in their scoring.

It may even seem justifiable to express yourself harshly when your expectations are not met to your satisfactions. But it’s not. In fact, there never is an appropriate time to speak harsh words towards anyone, ever.

Civility in speech, behavior, and thought is vital to nurturing your wellbeing.

Let’s consider a viral video example: recall a video where you saw a woman speak harshly to someone over a parking space, or a food delivery, or any number of instances. We see the woman loud, perhaps even using profanity, and her hands and arms flailing during this instance. The recipient of her behavior, depending on the location and their position, may be doing their best to remain composed and trying to deescalate the situation. All during this experience someone is filming while others are exposed to harshness.

No one in this situation is experiencing a nurturing environment. The woman is now referred to as a Karen. This perpetuates her suffering. And all others, no matter their level of involvement, experienced a perpetuation of their suffering. 

People who watch the video experience suffering. How? When you laugh at someone’s suffering you are harming your own wellbeing. You are watering the seeds of heartlessness. That is suffering even though you may not realize it.

Now consider, if you please, a public figure that makes wildly speculative and broad statements about any group of people. Perhaps they say that a certain group of people are lazy and don’t want to work. This statement may resonate strongly with this public figures’ supporters, increasing their popularity, but is it true? Of course not.

Degrading a group of people certainly is not civil in and of itself and not only continues suffering within that group but it also waters suffering in the supporters. How so? By allowing a group of people to feel a sense of superiority over another perpetuates that view point of ‘us versus them’. The ‘us versus them’ mindset is divisive. It sets up walls of intolerance. It doesn’t allow for compassion or empathy. It doesn’t allow you to see ‘you’ for ‘you’ nor does it allow ‘you’ to see others as ‘you’. It doesn’t allow you to see beyond yourself.

When we are mindfully aware of our present moment, we know that suffering exists and that we do all we may to help ease suffering for ourselves and for those around us. We are mindful of how we communicate. We are mindful of how we act and present ourselves. We are mindful in what we read. We are mindful in what we watch.

 

Wishing you continued peace and wellbeing,

 

Vladimir

 

You are warmly invited to follow on us on Facebook and Instagram at @bluelotuscenter for more ways to improve your mindfulness practice and wellbeing.

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

Website and monthly newsletter: www.bluelotusmeditation.us

For guided meditations and Dharma talks, please visit and subscribe to our YouTube channel.

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Mindfulness For Father And Sons

As a male in our society, like many of us I suppose, I was encouraged, or more honestly, taught what it was to be a 'man'. That a 'man' behaves a certain way. He doesn't cry. Doesn't show too much joy or happiness, emotions are a sign of weakness. He's the bread winner of the home. He's the firm disciplinarian. His say is final. He is an avid sports fan. Drinks beer. He cursus. And when his sights are set on a woman he is unapologetically like a panther on a deer. 

With all of these 'male' expectations to live up to it's no wonder why there's so much disconnect with who we are on the inside. So much rage and insecurity pile on inside when what he has been taught doesn't come to fruition. Men may feel lost. Men may feel sadness welling inside, like every other human being, but continues to feel the societal pressure to 'be a man'.

This cultural conditioning is passed on to their sons.

Which in turn is passed onto their sons. 

Fortunately we are beginning to witness small signs of change in how fathers interact and warmly nurture their sons. For example, we can turn to social media platforms and see post, stories, and reels of fathers not only lovingly embracing their infant and young sons but pre-teen and teen sons as well. Decades ago, even without the ease of posting to social media, this type of care was not likely displayed at home yet alone in public and certainly not for the world to see.

So how do men change their 'tough' exterior to one of nurturing and care?

The very first realization to consider is that what anyone, both woman and men, sees in the mirror is merely a shell containing a consciousness. Your exterior does not 'define' who you are. In our religion until you have experienced enlightenment you will continuously be reincarnated, in other words same the consciousness (or being) as now but in different forms with each rebirth.

So no matter what form you currently inhabit the consciousness that is 'you' is capable of so much more than what is offered to you culturally based upon your sex, physique, or socio-economic status. 

As you sit there with or observe or reflect on your son, think back to the reason you decided to become a parent in the first place. Was it so he could be mean to others? Was it so he could be the best fighter in the neighborhood? Was it so he could sexually harass or dominate over women? Or could it have been you wanted him to beat up those who are weaker then he?

I would hope that none of the above were the reasons a man decided to enter parenthood. 

Instead we want our son to be kind, considerate, and loving towards others. 

When we reframe our perspective from one of the visual, physical, shallow, and ego driven, to one that is more encompassing, eternal, loving, warm, compassionate, empathetic, we are better able to support our sons to navigate healthily in the world in that they will inevitable enter.

So we too as fathers need to let go of ego. Ego is not mindful, aware, open, or compassionate. Ego is nothing more than a thin, frail shell used as a shield to continue doing harm to sons, ourselves, and others.  

As fathers we may best support our sons wellbeing by showing that we too are capable of warmth, support, compassion, love, and soft physical connection.

Using mindfulness as we reflect on ourselves and our sons we begin to understand perhaps the stern discipline and harsh punishments was very harmful to our mental wellbeing. But also using mindfulness we understand that we are not our past, we have the ability to shed our old skin in favor of a new skin. A new skin that is not full of ego, anger, jealousy, insincerity, and fear but instead one this is full of love, compassion, empathy, and gratitude for the the opportunity to shape and cultivate a well developed son.

And with that my friends I wish you all peace and ease,

Vladimir

You are warmly invited to follow on us on Facebook and Instagram @bluelotuscenter for more ways to improve your mindfulness practice and wellbeing.

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

Website and monthly newsletter: www.bluelotusmeditation.us

For guided meditations and Dharma talks, please visit and subscribe to our YouTube channel.

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Calming The Mind During Times Of Anxiety

There seems to be always something occurring either in the world or our personal lives that we allow to agitate our minds. Perhaps we wake up only to find an expectation of ours has been altered, not met, or even abandoned. Regardless of the specific situation or circumstance our expectation lies from wanting to control the future, something we know is not possible. Remember, the future does not exist and therefor we cannot control what does not exist. And this may result in the mind becoming agitated or filled with anxiety.

But we do exist, you and I, in this very moment, are in existence. The future, we'll it does not exist, and most likely the future you're envisioning will not manifest itself as badly as you imagine. 

When our mind is agitated or unsettled we are not able to think or rationalize clearly. It's as if we are looking at life while driving through a heavy rainstorm uncertain if we're even in our lane. If you've ever been caught in one of these events you know how dangerous it can be. Driving at a high rate of speed, fear of hydroplaning, wipers on high, and windows up and air conditioning on to keep the windows from fogging up. Anxiety increases.

Doing all of these actions won't stop the rain or necessarily increase visibility nor offer much safety. So what is the safest 'action' we can do in times like these? We pull over and wait for the rain to stop or let up so we may safely resume our journey.

In our daily life when our mind becomes agitated, for what ever reason, or decision making or kind thinking becomes unclear so the best we can do is to non-do. We 'pull over' and let the storm of agitation pass.

So how do we 'pull over'? 

First we need to recognize we're even in a storm. We often know this because we get tense, loud perhaps, and angry within. When we recognize our agitation it is only then that we may begin the process of pulling over.

Stepping away from the situation or environment is an important non-doing we may take. Stepping away doesn't mean we are avoiding the situation. It means we recognize that we need some time to reflect and to let calmness in so our agitated mind may begin to settle. This non-doing is a sign of wisdom and compassion for our selves and for others.

From there we may find a location that is enveloped by solitude: a park, a lake, a parked car, or even a library. From there we may begin a more balanced mindful breathing and nurturing meditation. Allowing the mind to settle, allowing the mud to settle, allows for clear and balanced and kind thoughts. At first it may be hard, all types of scenarios surface in our mental playground but given non-doing they to move off and clarity begins to appear. 

Give yourself the time to love yourself. Allowing space and openness within cultivates calmness of the mind. And when calmness blossoms life is witnessed with beauty and joyful fulfillment.  

And with that my friends I wish you all peace and ease,

Vladimir

You are warmly invited to follow on us on Facebook and Instagram @bluelotuscenter for more way to improve your mindfulness practice and wellbeing.

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

Website and monthly newsletter: www.bluelotusmeditation.us

For guided meditations and Dharma talks, please visit and subscribe to our YouTube channel.

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Interacting Mindfully With Difficult Colleagues

No one wants to suffer. We all seek to have a more balanced and harmonious life with ourselves, others, and our surroundings. One environment people tend to spend a significant time in is at their workplace. While there we often see posters or pictures or even coffee mug slogans from people who proclaim this harmonious desire yet their daily actions suggest quite the opposite.

Like any illness, when someone is suffering, symptoms present themselves in a manor of ways. Since we often spend a significant amount of time in a work environment one may experience firsthand some of these symptoms that may, if not addressed with compassion and empathy, will affect office dynamics in a negative way. 

People will, on occasion, have a 'bad day' which may impact interactions temporarily. But what about the the employee who is continually difficult not only in meetings but even around the watercooler?

One, no matter how intimate they are with another, will never truly know what another is thinking or feeling. We will never know what is going on is someone else's homelife. Therefor it is always important to treat everyone we encounter with kindness.

Difficult behavior often presents itself as rudeness, arrogance, the 'one upper', bluntness, pettiness, anger, sarcastic, short temperedness, and even impatient towards others. There are certainly many root causes, too many to include here but all have the same solution.

Anger is not cured with anger. Rudeness is not remedied with rudeness. Impatience is not treated with impatience. All of these harmful conditions may simply be treated with lovingkindness.

We would never treat an illness with another type of illness, simply put one does not treat pneumonia with the flu virus. Continuing the suffering of another living being does not promote healing for that being.

When we experience hurt from our difficult colleague our action could be one of embracing warmth. Let them know that you 'see' them and that you 'hear' them. You are not required to agree or to disagree with their statement but just the simple acknowledgment of the statement is enough. Let them know that you are open to warmly and with mindful intent listen to their concerns. Sit with them at lunch. Perhaps even buy a raffle ticket or magazine subscription that supports their child's activities. Offer them praise when a job is well done, no matter how small the job was. 

As with all changes, they typically do not occur overnight. Recall your mindfulness journey as an example. When we simply listen to and acknowledge another being for their worth, their presence, and their effort, new seeds will begin to root and eventually blossom given the proper nurturing environment. You have the opportunity to be the warm sunshine, the thirst quenching water, or the fertile soil, or yes, possibly all three to this suffering being.

We all have something to teach and we all have something to learn from someone else. And these gifts may never be truly realized if kept sequestered under the vail of suffering. 

And with that my friends I wish you all peace and ease,

Vladimir

You are warmly invited to follow on us on Facebook and Instagram @bluelotuscenter for more way to improve your mindfulness practice and wellbeing.

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

Website and monthly newsletter: www.bluelotusmeditation.us

For guided meditations and Dharma talks, please visit and subscribe to our YouTube channel.

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The Five Precepts of Buddhism: A Path Towards Liberation

It seems that in modern life we are often pulled into many directions. Not knowing where to go. Who or what to believe. As a result we end up being a slave to our own superficial whims and desires. Our minds become filled with distractions and unwholesomeness.

But how do we free our minds from such trivialities we consider as important? 

We cannot achieve liberation without freeing the mind. And to achieve this liberation the Buddha teaches three valuable lessons, morality, concentration and wisdom.

Each of these teachings builds upon the other, like the concrete foundation of a home is made of cement, sand, and water. Each supporting each other to provide a solid area to build upon when solidified.

To develop our foundation we must give up what is evil and develop what is good. This process is referred to as sila.

In the Dhammapada (verse 183) this is summed up as:

Abandoning what is evil, developing what is good, purifying the mind – that is the teaching of the Buddhas.

The Buddha also tells us that the “Mind is the forerunner of all things, mind is their leader, they are made by the mind. When someone speaks or acts with impure thoughts, suffering follows, like the wheel follows the hoof of the ox.”

When we live a life founded in morality we live a life free from restlessness and remorse as a result of regret.

But what is moral behavior?

The Buddha gives us these five receipts or five virtues to develop: 

1. Abstain from killing
2. Abstain from stealing
3. Abstain from sexual misconduct
4. Abstain from wrong speech
5. Abstain from the use of intoxicating substances that cause inattention

1. Abstain From Killing

Picture a beetle on the road. At the same time you decide you're going for a walk. As you walk you encounter this beetle. Following this precept you go around the beetle. But let's now say you're driving a car and you don't see this beetle. If you did not see it and kill it, this does not result in negative karma.

Abstaining from killing also includes intentionally causing the death of another sentient being. For example, hiring someone to do this for you. You are still directly responsible.

The primary goal of no killing is to develop our compassion.

2. Abstain From Stealing

Wanting something that is not yours is an unhealthy desire and leads to suffering. This precept certainly includes taking what's not yours by theft or deception but this precept goes further than that. A more complete translation would be ‘abstain from taking what is not given’.

This precept presupposes a deep respect for the property of others. Don’t just assume that you can borrow something.

An interesting consideration of this precepts also includes wasting someone's time. This to may also be considered stealing.

 

3. Abstain From Sexual Misconduct

Sexual misconduct originates from sensory desire, physical or one of power. The desire for pleasurable experiences can be so great that you lose the ability to lookout for the wellbeing of yourself and the other.

The Buddha speaks out against sexual misconduct and offers multiple examples of what sexual misconduct is:

• sexual acts with someone who is under the protection of their parents
• with someone who already has a steady relationship,
• unwanted or punishable sexual acts (abuse),
• and prostitution

In essence, this precepts relates to any form of sexual act that harms the other person.

4. Abstain From Wrong Speech

Abstaining from wrong speech means:

• Not lying, even 'white lies'.
• Not speaking in a way that causes division among others
• Not using rude language
• Not gossiping

If we look even slightly closer at these examples we can easily see that much of what we witness on TV, from sitcoms, cable news, political speeches, or talk shows would fall under many of these examples.

5. Abstain From The Use Of Intoxicating Substances That Cause Inattention

The last precept is to abstain from using intoxicants that cause inattention. The piece ‘that cause inattention’ is essential inclusion too. This precept is specifically about abstaining from things that prevent or work against aware.

Alcohol is the most commonly used of these substances. Alcohol divides the mind and makes this awareness impossible. Whoever drinks alcohol irrevocably brings his mind into a state that is incompatible with the teachings of the Buddha.

But it's not only alcohol but also includes not taking any substances that causes one to lose conscience or conduct immoral behavior. For example, Marijuana, opium, amphetamine, sniffing glue, morphine, etc. The exception to some of these would be when they are prescribed by a physician for legitimate medical purposes.

The main purpose of this precept is to prevent your mind from becoming so weakened and losing control that you will break the other precepts.

Summary

In modern life some of these precepts may seem restrictive but when considered with the wisdom that which they were given we see that they are really freeing and liberating.

When our minds are occupied by alcohol or drug addiction are we free? No, of course not, One is then a servant to another master.

When we spend our precious time gossiping about another we are causing suffering to them, even if they aren't present, and suffering for ourselves. 

If we look at jails and prisons they are filled with people who have violated one or more of these precepts resulting in their incarceration. This too is suffering for that person as well as their family members.

When you follow these five precepts you will experience the freedom and liberation that all beings seek.

And with that my friends I wish you all peace and ease,

Vladimir

You are warmly invited to follow on us on Facebook and Instagram @bluelotuscenter for more way to improve your mindfulness practice and wellbeing.

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

Website and monthly newsletter: www.bluelotusmeditation.us

For guided meditations and Dharma talks, please visit and subscribe to our YouTube channel.

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An Interfaith Memorial Service - A Mindful Perspective

Death happens to us all. For some, life will be long and last many decades or perhaps all the way to the century point. Others, death may come much, much, sooner. Some may experience a violent death. Some may succumb to disease or illness, while most simply die in their sleep peacefully.

There is no escaping this natural process. We all are born. Live for a certain amount of time. And then we pass on to the next state.

And when this passing occurs, shortly thereafter family, friends, and loved ones gather to remember and honor this person. This loving occasion, in one form or another, is common to all religions and people of the world. 

One of my revered and sacred duties is to help honor and remember those who has passed in the Buddhist tradition. And over this past weekend my services were required.

I was approached by this loving family about a month ago and they asked if I was able to provide this type of service for their beloved family member. I replied in the affirmative and we began to work out the details since they were all coming from out of town.

There are many ways and traditions that may be followed depending on tone one would like to set but generally they range from traditional services to informal to somewhere in-between. However, they all encompass some traditional aspects such as paying reverence to the Buddha, sutras, and to referring to the person who has passed. In most traditions we refer to the one who has passed as still with us and addressing them by name.

Coming from a predominantly Christian family, the family members I had the pleasure to present to were kind and welcoming but a little unsure of what to expect. Afterall this was, I assume, the first time they had ever experienced any type of religious service other than a Christian one.

An alter was already set up with some wonderful pictures of the deceased that spanned throughout their life, there was a beautiful flower arraignment, as well as their ashes. I added some candles and invited others to light an incense stick if they wanted.

As I began, I warmly welcomed them and thanked them for coming to this service. I set the tone as one of light and informal, yet a supportive, gathering of friends. This matched the deceased persons personality.

When speaking to any audience it’s important to make some type of connection. Here I chose to highlight the similarities between the two types of services. In Buddhist services we offer homage to the Buddha. I let them know that Buddhist don’t regard him as a ‘God’ but we are acknowledging his achievements, much like a Christian might prey to St. Christopher before a journey or a high school student would to St. Mary before a math test.

Where something new or unfamiliar occurred, I explained the significance. This is how you build an understanding and promote growth.

After this was the eulogy which was then followed by an opportunity for family and friends to share their stories and fond memories of the deceased. As with most public speaking it’s hard to get the first one going but when it happens stories flow like a waterfall. It truly is an amazing time for all. 

We talked about the many gifts this person gave to those around her, from people needing guidance, to appliances, or just a warm hug. This person was always there to help support. And I gently let the audience know that this gathering too was a gift.  It’s a gift because many had not seen each other in many years, it offered an opportunity to overcome any petty disputes, and an opportunity to strengthen these very important family bonds. This was the final gift that was given to each one present.

I finished the service and I did notice people moving to different parts of the room and talking.

On my way out I was approached and told that initially many were skeptical of a Buddhist service at first, not knowing what to expect, but afterwards several viewpoints changed, and minds were opened.

And with that my friends I wish you all peace and ease,

Vladimir

You are warmly invited to follow on us on Facebook and Instagram @bluelotuscenter for more way to improve your mindfulness practice and wellbeing.

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

Website and monthly newsletter: www.bluelotusmeditation.us

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Developing Healthy And Positive Relationships With Mindfulness

Think about your last or perhaps your current relationship.

Did you look forward to seeing this person? Spending quality time with them?

What is it that you like about them? There may even be qualities that you’re not fond of but you accept, like having an action figure collection.

The first healthy relationship most people experience is with their mothers, fathers, grandparents and perhaps siblings. But this situation doesn't have to be true for everyone, every family is different, but these interactions often lay the foundation for our future relationships.

We see how our parents interact and assume that’s how all families interact. We learn respectful behavior. How to nurture someone in time of sickness or other need. We learn how to trust. We learn love. We learn conflict resolution. And we learn boundaries.

But not every family is warm and nurturing. Sadly, some homes are not so pleasant and this may result in perpetuating suffering in your own relationships in the future.

So how may we learn how to mindfully develop and nurture positive and healthy relationships?

Before we talk about how mindfulness can help, let’s look at some examples of unhealthy relationship traits. Keep in mind that the dynamic isn’t only male on female, but may be female on male, male on male, female on female, or any of the vast array of family relationships that exist.

• A codependent relationship
• A relationship this involves verbal, physical, and sexual violence
• A relationship that involves some form of addiction such as, alcohol, drugs, gambling.
• A relationship that is financially abusive.
• A relationship this is emotionally abusive.

Although there are more examples, a majority of unhealthy relationships will combine one or more of these traits.

We often relate relationships to a journey. A journey along our own individual path as we seek spiritual enlightenment or at the very least a harmonious and wholesome life.

And along this journey we've embarked upon we’d like to have company.

This is normal since people are social beings. And a partner helps us enjoy what we mindfully encounter along the way.

A partner helps us during times of illness. A partner is there to help us celebrate joyful occasions. And a partner helps us see the world with a different perspective which helps us remove preconceived notions.

Preconceived notions and ideas about others, including our partners, takes away from your understanding of who they truly are, an individual being like yourself. And maintaining preconceived notions promotes suffering.

For example maybe we say ‘you aren't the same person any more’. Here we make a prediction about a person, a negative illusion, about some ones expected behavior. You are suffering as a result of this expectation and so is the other person as a result.

Or on the opposite side maybe we have a positive illusion, 'my partner can do no wrong'. Here you are clinging to an idealized version of them which may lead to unrealistic expectations about their behavior. Again, more suffering for the both of you.

Before we may offer space for a partner along our journey we need to be sure we are ready and that we are healthy to do so. Meaning that we are with mindful awareness, opening ourselves to being vulnerable, and accepting another as they walk along their path as well. You are in the here and now, in the present moment.

If you feel you are ready then I offer you some gentle suggestions of what to look for.

• Gentle speaking
• Supportive.
• honest
• Non-violent.
• Not jealous or possessive
• Compassionate towards you, himself, and others
• Empathetic towards you, himself, and others
• And certainly you both love each other.

Mindfulness is a wonderful way to help value and strengthen a relationship both with yourself and others. And so as you continue on your journey, breath in and say ‘as I breathe in I walk in peace’ and as you breathe out say ‘as I breathe out I open myself to the beauty of others’.

And with that my friends I wish you all peace and ease,

Vladimir

You are warmly invited to follow on us on Facebook and Instagram @bluelotuscenter for more way to improve your mindfulness practice and wellbeing.

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

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