Everyone has their own journey to walk, their own experiences to meet, their own decisions to make, their own actions to be responsible for, their own steps to take on their path. No matter what someone else encounters on their path it is not our path to walk or our decision to make. The experience is solely that individuals.
But that doesn't mean when someone experiences times of great suffering we can't be there with them. There is no possibility that we may eliminate their suffering, we are not them, but that doesn't mean we cannot help ease their suffering. In fact, one of the most important acts a person may do for another is to demonstrate kindness. A smile. A kind word. Listening attentively. Even simply acknowledging some ones existence. These are all simple acts of kindness.
The Buddha states that in order to realize enlightenment one must have wisdom and compassion, much like two wings on a bird. Demonstrating compassion towards another not only helps to ease their suffering but also cultivates compassion and empathy within. What greater good may there be?
Although we may never eliminate suffering in the world, we still make an effort. And it is this kind intention, the hopeful seed within, that we care for and nurture.
People feel sad or get depressed when they experience overwhelming suffering. Feelings of hopelessness or despair begin to root within the mind and if watered depression may begin to set in.
So how do we brighten someone else's inner light? Before I offer some suggestions let's look at the primary cause of a defeated spirit, future living or expectations.
Let's consider the following example: your best friend has worked very hard at her company for several years, always show up to work and her work is high quality. Maybe she even gets yearly performance raises. The company posts a new management position and she feels she's ideal for. You both practice interviewing techniques. She interviews and all goes well only to find out that someone junior to her was offered the position. She relates to you that she feels defeated and wonder why she's worked so hard for a company only to be rejected.
As a mindfulness practitioner you examine her feelings nonjudgmentally and realize that her suffering comes from the expectation of a particular event outcome. The expectation, or assumption, was that she would get a promotion based on past performance, she was living in the future. Living in the future is not living in the present moment. Nor is living in the past. Living in the past or living in the future diminishes the inner light.
So how may we help our dear friend? Here are some nurturing suggestions:
- We listen without judgment to what they say.
- We acknowledge without judgment their feelings but we do not offer advice or suggestions on what to do next time, instead only acknowledge their circumstances.
- Without judgment, we let them know that all things in life are impermanent.
- Remind them that oftentimes not getting what you want is the best that could happen.
- Let it go with grace. Holding on to the past increases suffering.
Remember, we each are on our own path and no matter what we do we may never eliminate another's suffering, but we can ease it a bit, thus helping them walk with awareness.
And with that my friends I wish you all peace and ease,
Vladimir
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