Being Honest With Yourself In Light Of Criticism.

How do we know when other who offer us suggestions for improvement are sincere? We sometime ignore other people’s comments and categorize them as ‘what do they know’, ‘mind your business’, or ‘did I ask for your opinion’.

True, sometimes people talk just to talk and offer their wisdom or thoughts on even the most trivial of matters. A lot of advice or suggestions may come from a well-intended place but often lack the depth to be truly meaningful. 

The Buddha was once quoted as saying’ “Even as a solid rock is unshaken by the wind, so are the wise unshaken by praise or blame.”

 Unshaken doesn’t mean to ignore or get agitated to what someone may have said to us but instead, perhaps offers us a moment to pause and consider our action or behavior. It is to remove ego from our introspection and to look at the intent of what was stated to us.

For example, a guest at a wedding makes the comment that the brides’ hair should be down instead of up and that her hair stylist made her look unattractive on her special day. Is this a necessary comment? Not at all. It’s an unnecessary opinion that has no bearing on either party and the critique is superficial. Consider how the bride or the hair stylist would feel if either one had heard this comment. Their feelings would be hurt.

Now consider another example, as you light up a cigarette after dinner, a dear loved one kindly and with calmness, reminds you that smoking is unhealthy. Of course, you are aware of the health hazards of smoking by now but continue to do so. Do you get angry when this loved one shows concern for your wellbeing?

Perhaps. But when you search inside and remove your ego, you know that you’re not angry with them but instead are upset with yourself.

In any situation, praise or blame, there’s no need to get arrogant, haughty, angry, ashamed, or embarrassed. Instead, be unshakable. In the smoking example, know that this gentle observation was done with love and care for you. Remember, shame and quilt are controlling behaviors.

No matter what you do in life you will encounter both supporters as well as detractors. And supporters and detractors may come from family, friends, or even total strangers. 

There are a lot of examples that could be put in place here instead of a wedding or smoking but the important understanding is when do we need to be honest with ourselves and connect with who we truly are.

Being honest with ourselves is the same as being nonjudgmentally aware of our present surroundings, the essence of mindfulness. And to promote and foster this awareness we begin by returning to our breath.

Breathing in, I know ego is a thin skin easily bruised. Breathing out, I release quilt and walk with gratitude. 

With this simple, yet introspective, mantra we understand that ego is nothing more than a thin barrier to understanding who we truly are within. 

The face you see in the mirror is only a shell, the most recent iteration, of your essence. And when we recognize ego for what it is we may let go of the guilt we may carry thereby walking with gratitude.

I wish you peace and ease,

Vladimir

Enjoy The Rain: Accepting Praise Or Compliments

Opening To Positive Commentary

A nice gentle rain can be refreshing and nurturing in times of drought. Praise and compliments can be thought of as our rain as well.

Think about a time when someone offered you praise. How did you feel?

Were you joyful that you helped someone? Proud of the task you completed? Or maybe no particular response at all. 

Perhaps you held a door open for someone with full arms, instrumental in finishing a team project, or maybe you helped someone carry a package up a flight of stairs.

These are some of the situations when someone could offer you a warm ‘thank you’.

Consider what was your intention to help at that particular time and then how did you ‘feel’ when acknowledged?

Oftentimes we respond with ‘no problem’ or ‘sure thing’. Although these are acknowledgements they're not positive acknowledgements. They’re bland, with no love, compassion, or gratitude behind them. 

These types of responses diminish the value of the other person's praise and your actions.

Sometimes when we receive praise we’re not sure how to respond, it’s not something we’re taught how to do in society. 

But let’s look at a few reasons as to why we might not respond more wholeheartedly.

• Ego is one of the main reasons. We know we did a kind act for someone but we often hide our gratitude under the guise of ‘no big deal’ when inside we’re happy that we could help.

• We’ve minimized the importance of helping someone else in a time of need. Most of life is built around small events not large. 

• Maybe we feel unworthy to receive praise. Perhaps you might think that it’s a part of your job or responsibilities to help others, like in a retail environment.  

How we return praise for acknowledgment is very important to a positive mindset.

Consider a small child who has that toy table with those little shapes, square, circle, triangle, and star, that they push through the corresponding hole. What is their expression when they match the shape and hole? It’s one of joy and excitement. What do you say to them with this monumental accomplishment? You clap, and very happily respond with ‘good job, I knew you could do it’! This boosts their confidence. 

Or maybe you have a dog who likes to play fetch. Again, how do you respond when they return the stick or toy? They’re so happy, their tails wagging vigorously, and are more likely to repeat this behavior.

So how do we accept praise gracefully and with openness? 

We can begin by valuing the other person's opinion and intention. This would be considered ‘Right Thought’ one of the Eight Noble Truths. The person's intention is to reward you verbally for your effort and assistance. It’s offered with sincere gratitude. This person saw the kindness in you and you helped them. This too, is one of the Eight Noble Truths, Right Effort. 

Think about when you offered praise to someone what were your intentions. You offered them praise and it wasn't malicious or deceitful. It was genuine and from the heart.

And remember, how you felt when you offered praise, is how they’re feeling towards you at this moment.

So when someone genuinely offers you praise, know that it’s coming from a place of gratitude and let it rain and nourish you as well.

I’d love to hear your comments, so please feel free to do so below.

I wish you all peace and ease,

Vladimir

Blue Lotus Mindfulness and Meditation Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

Filling Your Vessel

Refilling Your Vessel With Joy

What is your vessel? Why does it need to be filled? What does it mean to be replenished? These are all wonderful questions.

Your vessel is you, all of you, everything inside you from organs, toenails, to a single blood cell. But it's not only your physical vessel but your spiritual and mental wellbeing.

Take a look around you, look at all the toxicity that we are exposed to on a daily basis. For example, the media. Several months ago I turned on a news channel, I typically will read an article instead of watch a live broadcast.

My first observation was how very loud the hosts were. This loudness right away cultivates an environment that's toxic, regardless of network or story.

Whom do you follow on social media? Do they promote a positive influence? Do they promote the wholesomeness that you want as a person? Or are they lashing out at someone else? Do they give you body positive affirmations or do you find yourself comparing to them. This is toxicity as well.

Consider movies and violent video games. Certainly there are many video games out there that are extremely violent.

All of these things add up to a toxic environment. A toxic environment we invite into ourselves. This steady inflow of negativity is what is taking us from our joy. Drop by drop making your vessel more toxic.

We are ourselves might not become violent but it certainly can lead to us becoming disconnected, becoming disengaged with the world around us. And if we keep exposing ourselves to these toxic environments we do not get to see that the beauty around us because we are feeling empty inside. As a result, you begin to lose the the true joy of what life has to offer.

Joy is like rain that waters the flowers during a drought, allowing us connect to people, not just the plants, but dogs, cats, and birds, all life.

Joy cultivates compassion and empathy towards others.

But how can we replenish our vessel and cultivate joy?

1. Disconnect. You can turn off your cell phone or computer so you won't be bombarded with irrelevant news and social media updates which are distractions from joy. If you have a landline this might be the better option for those necessary calls.

2. Games and entertainment. Be mindful of purchasing violent games and movies. Overexposure leads to desensitization. You may think that these are computer generated code or actors but humans have this ability to feel the emotions of imagery. Look at The Lion King or Frozen or Bambi. They're not real beings and we feel sorry for them or grow to love them. Now imagine constant exposure to the violence in entertainment media. They empty your vessel of joy.

3. Get back to nature. Take a 15 - 20 minute walk. Get out of your house or office. Walk in the park, or trail, a clear lake. No matter where you are in nature look at the smallest little details. Walk up to that tree and look at the bark. Feel the bark. Listen to the birds. Find a patch of grass that's no one's using, listen and observe. If you are on the beach, look at the amazing colors, all the different colors in the sand. The whites, blacks, and sometimes greens.

4. Boundaries. Minimize contact with negative and sarcastic people they're going to bring you down certainly you know if you will have to interact with them at work set the boundaries can you set those healthy boundaries you're going to have more positivity around you and if it persists you know they're always negative always negative always sarcastic just kindly remind that let the positive positively blossom in you cut the positive it also works with family boundaries with your family

5. Meditation. Thirty minutes a day is all you will need. You will experience relieving decompression even after your first sitting. But at this point the practices is still immature so give it a few weeks and you will notice a positive change because remember you have been living in a toxic environment for a very long time. So it will take time to replenish the joy.

We are what we consume, from what we eat, drink, read, watch, play, and listen to. Be mindful of what you allow in.

Wishing you peace and wellbeing,

Vladimir

Blue Lotus Mindfulness and Meditation Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.