Mindfulness and the Power of No

Mindfulness and People Pleasing

I often encounter people who think that being mindful revolves around being in a state of amiability to others whims and demands, not sticking up for our own wellbeing, or not offering resistance to doing a task, or someone who never says no. 

Whenever someone asks a mindfulness practitioner to complete a task, they are asking them to donate their precious time to this endeavor. Inherently there is nothing wrong with this as it certainly aligns with loving-kindness but doing too much can bring about anxiety. 

Imagine knowing that every time you see a particular person they do not ask about your day but instead offer more 'doings'.

But consider, what happens when we have difficulty saying no to every demand that is asked of us. Why are we afraid to say no? What could the consequences be if we did say no?

Most often we say yes because we want the other person to like us or that we feel an obligation of some sort even though we have internal reservations about saying yes. 

We people please instead of paying attention to our own wellbeing. We need to be mindful of the feeling inside us. It is there for a reason and as a mindfulness practitioner you know to be aware of it.

When we consider the Noble Eightfold Path we can align several of the tenants to people pleasing, chiefly Right Action, Right Mindfulness, and Right Thought.

Considering Right Action, although the task itself may be wholesome are we doing it without selfish agenda? Will we be completing this task with the care it deserves? We will not be completing this task virtuously but instead with some reservation.

Next, Right Mindfulness, we simply may not complete the task with the awareness or care it deserves. We may complete this task haphazardly which could have negative consequences in the future.  

Lastly, Right Thought, when we agree to do this task we may allow unwholesome thoughts to arise. Thoughts like 'Why am I always being singled out' or 'I do not like seeing my boss any longer'. These seeds of negativity, if nurtured, may grow into something more un-Buddhalike.

Perhaps we know that by saying yes to this task we will spread ourselves thin and we will not be able to complete this task, or another task already started, with the loving kindness it deserves. This too goes against Right Action and Right Mindfulness.

Loving kindness is not about being passive it is about balance. Saying yes all the time will make you the ‘go to’ person, but not in a loving way and this is not a balanced relationship with someone else nor with yourself.

So how do we mindfully reject someone?

When you do have to reject their request, remember to do it with loving kindness and even perhaps offer an explanation as to why you are rejecting the offer. For example, 'Thank you very kindly for considering me for this task but I am sorry I have to say no to this request. Adding more to my workload will result in a poor result'. 

Being honest offers understanding which in turn brings about harmony between two individuals.

Please feel free to post your comments below.

Wishing you all peace and ease,

Vladimir

Blue Lotus Mindfulness and Meditation Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

Everything Is Temporary

The Only Constant Is Change

Many have experienced significant job loss or reduced hours especially during the time of COVID. If you have ordered an item online, you will have likely experienced shipping delays. No more going out to eat for the time being. Malls and department stores are closed. Store shelves are almost bare. Large gatherings are mostly prohibited, and government offices have been forced to handle business via mail.

This is a very different landscape we are all living in when compared to several months ago yet along last year.

So what does the current COVID pandemic have to do with being mindful? Mindfulness is about the non-judgmental awareness of our surroundings as well as feelings. Accepting what is happening as the current state of being. 

The time we are gifted, no matter how difficult it may be for some, allows each and everyone of us to earnestly self-reflect on what is truly important in living a mindful life. With a mindful perspective, this situation offers us a positive time for reflection and self-growth.

When we become complacent with temporary stability we do not often challenge ourselves. At this time I invite you to think back to how we describe people from the 'Greatest Generation'. People from this time were born between 1901 through the 1920s and lived through the Great Depression up to and including World War II.

But what qualities or characteristics made them so great?

Was there something innate amongst them that made them different than those of us today? All of them were present during the Great Depression, so something had to be different. Or does it? 

If you recall this period was a time of great food shortages, minimal employment opportunities were to be found, and the stock market crash of 1929 exasperated all of the social and economic situations, uncertainty was everywhere. But none the less, you are here because your great grandparents or grandparents focused on what was important to life, loving kindness and family.

They were mindful of the food they ate, the clothing they wore, and the loving time they spent with each other. They did not overindulge but instead found the necessary balance to achieve a stability and balance to enjoy what they had. And much like today, they too, lived in uncertain times.

What they practiced then was almost, and certainly unknowingly, mindfulness in a sense. They were aware of their surroundings and accepted what they had with heartfelt gratitude. 

When we understand that all things are impermanent, we do not get disappointed when situations change for what may seem for the worse. After all, we do not react the same way when things change for what may seem for the better. 

But what makes a certain change positive or negative? It is perspective. A rainy day in June would be welcome to a farmer to sustain her crops where it would be an unwelcome event to a groom on his outdoor wedding venue.

This time of uncertainty we are currently experiencing is temporary and affords us the often sought-after time to grow, time to reflect, and time to be with family. This is truly a precious time but as we have been taught by the Buddha even joyous times are temporary.

Please feel free to comment below.

Wishing you peace and ease,

Vladimir

Blue Lotus Mindfulness and Meditation Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

Social Distance and Loving Kindness

Being Compassionately Aware Of Others Wellbeing.

In the current state of the world, it is important to mind our social distancing and wear masks when appropriate. Being mindfully aware of our spatial relationships, as well as our close interactions with others has now become forefront in our mindset in the challenge to ward off the Corona Virus. Some may feel that this is against what human beings are internally, and that is social beings. 

While this is true, humans do want to be near others for many reasons, socializing, shopping, or safety, we also have an innate sense of compassion towards others. We want to care for others without harming them. Others may feel that social distancing or wearing a mask intrudes upon their freedoms. 

Recall that true freedom is not what is written on paper but it is the liberation from holding on, accepting what is for what is, and knowing that all we experience is impermanent.

Minding our social distance to others exemplifies our loving kindness not only to others, but to ourselves. These actions reveal that we care about others wellbeing as much as we care about ourselves.

These practices also align with at least three tenants of the Eightfold Path (Right Intention, Right Thought, and Right Action).

As we navigate these unprecedented recent times and as practitioners of mindfulness, I am pleased to offer you some brief, yet relevant examples of how the Eightfold Path may be practiced during this time:

Right Intention - When I leave the home it is only for a necessary reason and will be for the briefest time possible. Among these necessary reasons are food shopping or doctor visits. 

Right Thought - When I navigate a food aisle I will plan my path to mind social distancing to protect myself as well as others wellbeing.

Right Action - If a food aisle is congested and I cannot navigate mindfully I can perhaps get another item on my list or maybe wait until social distances can be maintained. Prior to returning home using hand sanitizer and then when home washing your hands thoroughly.

I recently read an article about how a Pastor in Louisiana felt it necessary to hold Sunday church services despite a ban on large gatherings. Over 1,000 people were in attendance at his most recent service and he still wants to continue to offering these weekly events. I understood his justification as to why: people being self-quarantined for weeks and needing a source of connection with God and other human beings.

These actions do not display loving kindness and are not mindful of ourselves nor of others. In fact, they are selfish and do not display Right Intention, Right Thought, and Right Action. God does not care if you love him in a designated area on a weekly basis He cares how we treat ourselves and one another on a daily basis.

As we face an uncertain future, please continue to show your loving kindness towards yourself as well as others during these challenging times and remember this will pass as everything we experience is temporary.

Please feel free to comment below.

Wishing you peace and ease,

Vladimir

Blue Lotus Mindfulness and Meditation Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.