Exploring Mindfulness For Teens

Being a teen in this day and age is much different than when your parents were your age. I'm sure you've heard this before. This same sentiment was certainly felt when your grandparents talked to your parents as well about most of the same concerns. If you choose to have children, these same feelings and sentiments will be expressed to them. It's a normal cycle from parent to child. 

But for now, let's explore mindfulness today and how it will benefit your current as well as your future wellbeing. Your thoughts and concerns about so many changes and new experiences may all seem overwhelming. So as you read this know that this time, right now is all about you, your relationship with your parents, teachers, friends, the future, and the most important relationship you’ll ever have: with yourself.

So many aspects of your life are at a point where they may feel like they just want to burst out. This is normal. Our bodies experience many different sensations that are a result of our brains releasing different hormones into our system. This may, at times even manifest itself in an uncomfortable physical sensation. 

Sometimes, depending on the intensity of the sensation our mind may construct some type of story which oftentimes isn't true. We may feel overly sensitive to some from of rejection when there was no intended malice. Before we respond, we need to mindfully examine the situation for what is is and not what we 'think' it is. 

So when we experience these uncomfortable sensations it is important to recognize these conditions in the moment so we may bring mindful awareness to them. Remember, being mindful is also being non-judgmental towards having those feelings.

As a teen I'm sure you have many different types of relationships, but how do you walk a wholesome path with your relationships? 

How do your peers feel? Your peers have the exact questions as you and are experiencing the same feelings of uncertainty you are, although they may express it differently.

Some common questions you may have are:

    - Do my friends like me? Sure, they're your friends!

    - What will I do after high school? Does it truly matter? I promise you it doesn't but what does matter is how kind you are. That's what people will remember.

    - Are you the class clown? This 'hey, look at me' suggests that one is desiring affirmation or some form of positive reinforcement from a bad behavior. A sarcastic remark perhaps?

    - Social media presence. Keep it 'G - Rated'. There was an old saying during World War II that went 'loose lips, sink ships'. You don't want that sinking ship to be yours next week, next year, or five-years from know. Besides, you shouldn't be doing hurtful things anyway, right?

    - Parents. Yes, they love you and yes, they're proud of you. Sometimes parents get mad at you because of 'their' expectations for you. It's an extension of their world view that doesn't necessarily align with yours. Be cool about it and simply bring awareness to the fact that they don't want to see you hurt.

    -Teachers. This is a hard job, no question about it. Imagine you coming into work each day and seeing probably over 100 different people each with their own unique personality and needs going through life changes. Not to mention teachers are people too that are also dealing with sometimes stressful life events. Be empathetic and compassion towards them. 'After' you graduate recall a few of the good ones and friend them on Facebook (old people don't use Snapchat) and keep in contact with them. Knowing they made a positive difference in a students life is truly why they're in the profession.

    - Yourself. You will always have you. The face in the mirror will change as you get older but your essences will always be 'you'. Long after your body has ceased to exist, your conscience will always be there. Do good and engage in kind actions in this life so that you have a better future in this life and the next.

As you begin to experience more situations it’s important to start now to develop the necessary skills to mindfully address not only adversity and disappointment but overwhelming joy and good times as well. Both circumstances can lead to additional suffering if not viewed appropriately.

How can too much joy cause suffering?

When either side of our emotional state is out of balance suffering occurs but when we are too overjoyed for too log we develop an emboldened ego. This leads to feelings of superiority which may lead to risk taking behavior.

You will make mistakes along the way, we all do, including adults, and the mistakes we make aren’t the problem. It’s living in them long after they have occurred. Learning to let go of guilt and shame are liberating and allow you to experience life in a more wholesome way. Learning to let go also holds true to those who may have hurt you.

So how can you, as a teen, begin mindfulness practice?

Meditation is certainly involved in the process but even before you begin this truly search your feelings before you speak or engage in an action. Ask yourself, is it wholesome?

Be certain to help others. Look at service activities at your school (homeless, food pantry, relief funds). Being of service to others develops empathy and compassion and lets go of greed and callousness.

Do your best to try and not wish away your life. Statements like 'I can’t wait until I get my drivers license, or go off to college' take you out of the present moment. Being mindful is about being in the present moment, not the future nor the past.

Apologize first, no matter what the offense. This offers grace and compassion to both of you.

Use kind speech and don’t be sarcastic. The humor wears out quickly and is unappealing even when people laugh.

And last but not least, join our teen sangha - it’s free Wednesdays at 3:30 PM CST. It's important to have a mindful community to help you along.

Wishing you continued peace and wellbeing,

 

Vladimir

 

You are warmly invited to follow on us on Facebook and Instagram at @bluelotuscenter for more ways to improve your mindfulness practice and wellbeing.

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

Website and monthly newsletter: www.bluelotusmeditation.us

For guided meditations and Dharma talks, please visit and subscribe to our YouTube channel.

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Behaviors That Are Mindfully Unskillful

Oftentimes during our day we seem to navigate on 'autopilot'. Going through the motions of what has been our routine day in and day for years and even decades. These routines or behaviors, which we often overlook, are opportune actions to engage and strengthen our mindfulness practice.

I have selected some of the more common daily activities I think we all experience at some point and am warmly sharing with you how you may turn your innocuous habits into ones that may be transformed into times of mindful awareness.

Cooking

Cooking may truly be an experience filled with sensations, smells, textures, and tases that are commonly overlooked. I know that by the end of your workday you may not want to do a lot of meal preparations. Perhaps not much more than slicing a few peppers or onions for spaghetti sauce is all the energy you're able to muster. Peppers and onions are more than enough to include in a mindfulness practice. Each pepper came from someplace, has it's own color that is slightly different than another, texture or crispness may easily vary slightly too. Onions, red, white, or yellow also have their own characteristics. When you slice into their layers does the aroma smell sharp and make your eyes water? Is one species more flavorful than another? Do you sauté them in olive oil along with the peppers before incorporating them into the sauce?

Driving

When was the last time you truly 'felt the road'. After all that's what the automobile commercials sell to you, an experience worth experiencing. Your driving experience begins as soon as you open your car door. Is the handle cold or hot? When you sit are you sitting on an old fashioned bench seat or are you cradled in a bucket seat? How does your vehicle smell? Is it neat and tidy inside or is there trash all over? As you drive is the radio on and you're absorbed in the music or talk radio? Or are you truly paying attention to the minute vibrations in the steering wheel as you drive towards your destination. Are you lost in thought about yesterday or what you're expecting to experience once you arrive at your destination?

Shopping

We all need to purchase items for nutritional, comfort, health, and safety and even entertainment at times. But what is your shopping experience like? Do you 'grab and go'? Do you buy what you'll use in the near future or to have 'just in case'. Maybe you wander up and down each aisle not looking for anything particular but allowing advertisers to subliminally catch your attention with their skillful packaging designs. Or maybe you carefully plan your trip, preparing a list of items you need and generally adhering to the list. Do you shop just to pass the time away either online or in-store? We all work hard for our money so why should we not be more discerning in how we part with our earnings. Select fresh fruits and vegetables according to each variety, but in doing so only purchase enough for one week. Buying too little, and you may run back to the store. Buying too much and you risk spoilage. When buying clothing, buy seasonally appropriate items that are replacements for something you have parted with or are willing to part with upon your return home. Remember higher prices or brand names do not equate to superior quality. When we bring awareness to each and every item we allow ourselves to live in that moment. 

Avoiding Painful Situations

The first Noble Truth states there is suffering in this world, but as humans we do our best to avoid situations involving hurting others, situations where the likely outcome is not in our favor, or those that challenge our personal beliefs. It is understandable that we all desire an easy life but it is impossible to avoid suffering. When we avoid something we are not skillful at, not only human interactions, we remain unskillful at it, we remain in an undeveloped condition. When we remain unskillful at addressing painful or hard circumstances we in fact perpetuate our own suffering as well as perpetuate or even increase the suffering of others. Whereas when we mature communication skills, suffering eases. We never purposefully decide to hurt an individual or group so we always approach painful situations with love and compassion for others as well as ourselves. We utilize Right Speech, Right Thought, and Right Action. 

Talking

The purpose of talking is to relay information, thoughts, ideas, and feelings from one person to another. We all have the desire to be seen and heard. But do you listen to respond or listen to understand? The same desire that you have, to be acknowledged, the other has that same desire as well. Your view point or statement is no less or no more valid than another's view point. When we speak to respond we have closed our mind to what another is thinking or feeling. We are saying, to ourselves, that they are wrong and we are right. We have closed our ears, openness, and awareness to another their being, even if only momentarily.

Social Media

It seems as if we've lost the ability to be comfortable with ourselves in silence without some form of stimulus. We may be sitting in a doctors office, waiting in traffic, waiting to meet someone, or even simply sitting at home on the couch. We're always looking for a distraction to take us somewhere anywhere but where we presently are. Scrolling mindlessly down your social media feed to look for the latest news that has zero affect (and effect) on your life, the latest clothing style that you'd never wear, conversations that are initiated or moderated by an AI algorithm promoting divisiveness, or even recipes that you have no intention of ever making. Social media does have its place. It truly is a wonderful application to help promote true, heartfelt, and meaningful connections if used with mindful awareness. But most use it as a form of escapism much like someone with depression may use drugs or alcohol to numb their pain.

Wishing Away Time

'Ugh, I can't wait for this meeting to be over' or 'If I had only done this yesterday'. How many times have you made a statement like this at one time or another. Statements like this minimize the value of the current experience, in fact it's judgmental. You're reinforcing the notion that the time you're currently in is less valuable than one in the future or past. The future is always unformed and therefor will always hold no value. You cannot not hold a loved one in the future, but you can in the present moment if they are with you. You may never relive a past moment. The same water will never flow under the same bridge again. The idea of wishing time away takes us out of the present moment and into times that no longer exist. This creates suffering because we are attaching an expectation to a moment that has passed or is unformed. This moment, the present moment, right now, is the most valuable.

Wishing you continued peace and wellbeing,

Vladimir

You are warmly invited to follow on us on Facebook and Instagram at @bluelotuscenter for more ways to improve your mindfulness practice and wellbeing.

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

Website and monthly newsletter: www.bluelotusmeditation.us

For guided meditations and Dharma talks, please visit and subscribe to our YouTube channel.

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Mindfulness, Schools, and Our Children’s Mental Wellbeing

Incorporating A Safe Space For Our Children

There was a TicTok video circulating recently calling for violence in our schools across our society. Although law enforcement determined this to be a non-credible threat many parents chose to keep their children home. Some schools even closed. My daughter text me to come pick her up early due to her not feeling safe in her school, regardless of the additional police presence.

This text message and ensuing conversation with her caused me to pause and reflect not only on this type of situation that has become an all-too-common occurrence but to many other forms of anxiety and fear within our school system. 

Setting these types of gross violent incidents aside for a moment, consider how often our children experience bullying, ridicule, and instances of ostracizing on a daily basis.

These non-newsworthy actions result in feelings of anxiety and fear in a child in a place that is designed to enrich our young peoples lives.

When we think about our children being bullied we often neglect the ‘bully’ themselves. But they too are victims of fear, violence, ridicule, and anxiety, more likely as a result of some form of trauma at home. 

So here too, a child’s home, is a place that is supposed to be supportive, comforting, and safe for a them but yet it isn’t.

So where is a young person, a child, supposed to feel safe during their day if needed?

Think about a location where you would want to retreat to in these circumstances and what you find comforting, relaxing, non-judgmental, and safe.

During my reflection a thought entered my mind. A room with no tables, no chairs, no aromas, but only soft, clean, and inviting cushions to sit on, and low, and soft, ambient lighting. A room of tranquility.

Notice I make no mention of sounds or aromas. This is deliberate because sounds and aromas may trigger the memory of trauma which is what we’re trying to avoid in this room.

Imagine if this type of room were readily available at all times during the school day. Who could potentially use this type of safe space?

I’m sure we can picture a child who is bullied in this room but what about the ‘popular’ girl or boy who is being sexually molested that we have no idea about. Or perhaps it’s the child who is unassuming, who avoids attention because they don’t cause trouble but yet they feel alone inside with screams of pain well hidden from all.

People need a retreat, a safe space, somewhere to regain their balance. A room of tranquility has the potential to offer this to some child in need.

A room of tranquility doesn’t need to be staffed with a mental health professional. It could be staffed with a teacher, an administrator, a priest, a rabbi, a volunteer senior citizen. The only requirement needed is non-judgmental listening if needed and no offerings of advice or suggestions.

Maybe this is the room where a student realizes that their life has value. Maybe this is the room where a student reaches out to a trusted adult to let them know what is happening at home. Maybe this is the room where a student realizes that committing an act of violence in their school will only cause more suffering.

Something to consider, don’t you think?
 

I wish you peace and ease,

Vladimir

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

How Mindfulness Literally Saved A Life

The Power Of Doing Nothing

We all have read a poem or story or heard a speech that moved us in some way. Sometimes these words are so moving and life altering that they help us to adjust course along our life's path.

We often do not understand the power of our words. Some people do and use this realization for either personal gain or for the benefit of others. It is also important to realize that you do not need to be in a position of power to have this effect on people too. It could be a small post on social media, a kind word to a stranger passing by, that impacts a persons life.

To my knowledge I have never been that person who had positively impacted another's life in such a way. It was not until the other day when I had a very humbling conversation with one of my practitioners who passed on a conversation they had had with another fellow practitioner.

It was related to me that this person had accidently stumbled on our Sangha and thought what the heck, I'll give mindfulness meditation a try.

It turns out this fortunate encounter saved their life, literally. There was a lot going on in this persons life and they were at an impasse. But the practice of sitting and 'doing nothing', connecting with themselves and the world around them, and relearning all that they had been taught in the past changed their perspective for the better.

Mindfulness allowed them to change their perspective from one that had a catastrophic outcome to one that was more subdued and then eventually to one of balance. Perspective is an important consideration when analyzing a situation. Most often we view circumstances in the most catastrophic manner possible. And more realistically it is not typically a viable outcome.

People often tend to dwell on a situation, playing it forwards and backwards, constructing 'what if's' that too will never come to fruition all in the name of 'covering their bases'. When we look back at many of these events in our own lives we see that they very seldom happen and if they do it is no where near as bad as we play in our minds.

All in all, you are still here and you have overcome what ever the circumstance was.

The situation they were currently dealing with did not change. However their perspective, or view, as a direct result of sitting mindfully, connecting with themselves to achieve calmness of this circumstance did. And that is one of the many results of mindfulness.

One person can make a difference and that person can easily be you. Everyone you meet, even for the briefest of moments, whether it is at the grocery store, the cashier at a restaurant, the cart collector at a retail store, is an opportunity for you to help someone.

Many people are fighting internal battles which we will never know and part of being a mindfulness practitioner is helping people ease their suffering.

Be kind. Be considerate. Be empathetic. You never know what someone else is going through.

I wish you all peace and ease.

Vladimir

Blue Lotus Mindfulness and Meditation Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

Mindfulness and Social Media

Disconnecting To Connect: A Mindful Social Media Exercise

Social media allows us the opportunity to view opinions as well as post our opinions on any number of topics.

Many of the commentary we encounter is not uplifting and feeds negativity. One must be very mindful of comments and groups we belong to in order to maintain a healthy mental state. 

These negative comments, often thinly veiled as sarcastic humor, aren't only found on the news feeds but can be found in even the most innocuous postings. This negativity directly influences how we feel and if you recall from my earlier post, mindfulness is about being aware in the present moment.

Recall an instant where you read a comment that made you feel troubled or emotional. How did it make you feel exactly? Angry, bewildered, sad? What did you do next after you read this comment? Did you respond? Like it? Move on to the next?

As we move through the oceans of social media postings it will be inevitable that we come across negativity. That is something that is not in our control. But what is in our control is how we respond to these emotions when they surface. Or better yet, how to avoid them in the first place.

Think about who you follow on the various social media platforms. Do you really need to be following 200+ people or organizations? Under which handle/handles do you find the most negative comments?

If we think of emotions as food, look at what you are feeding your inner-self. Are you feeding yourself uplifting, wholesome, positivity or are you feeding yourself the junk food of negativity? Too much negativity and we become glutinous with ill-will towards others and perhaps even depression. And this removes the happiness from our lives. 

We can view negativity like a hot coal from the previous nights campfire, hidden under ash. Smoldering and glowing beneath the surface waiting for dry tinder to ignite. Eventually a twig or leaf falls and catches fire. The fire of negativity spreads and eventually consumes all in it's path.

So how do we avoid this negativity? By being aware of the present moment.

When we talk about being aware in the present moment we are also saying look at the beauty all around you. It is not hard to see if we only allow ourselves to be witness to it.

As an exercise, I'd like for you to leave your phone or other connected device at home and do a walking meditation. Twenty or 30 minutes is all it takes. It's important to leave your device at home and not merely turn it off and keep it with you. 

As you mindfully walk, listen to the sounds around you, deeply inhale the life giving air, look at the symmetry of the buildings around you, look at the light reflecting off of the glass. 

When you return home write down what you saw, felt, and smelled. Reflect on these observations. After doing this you may turn your device back on. What did you miss? Nothing. What did you gain? Life.

I look forward to your comments so please feel to respond appropriately.

Wishing you peace and ease,

Vladimir 

Blue Lotus Meditation And Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.