Opening Your Heart To Understanding Others

Life is like a box of chocolates…full of wonderful surprises, but sometimes we bite into something we may not like. And what you may not like someone else may find joy in. Likes and dislikes are as varied as flowers on the planet.

With this myriad diversity of tastes is where we open our hearts so that we may better understand why someone may have a particular interests or behave in the way they did. We listen with mindful awareness.

Regardless of whether we like what we’ve bitten into, we have learned a valuable lesson. And with the right perspective this too is a positive.

What does it mean to open to others?

Opening to someone else's perspective shows you value them as a living being. It's not necessary that you even like their perspective or action. It's merely the acknowledgment of their existence that's truly powerful. Recall a time when something you said or did that was glossed over with a nonchalant shrug. Did you feel seen or valued at that time?

It shows that you are opening up to vulnerability.

This may be the hard part for most as we often view vulnerability as a weakness. Look at all of the tough guy movies people seem to love. Characters in these fictional stories are often the loner type with a grudge against the world. Ego gets involved and clouds your judgment. Think back to a time when you thought it was 'right' to be unmoving in front of someone else because you felt you couldn't show an imaginary weakens.

How to be open to others?

Empathy. Recall a similar experience (hard or joyful) you faced; it doesn't need to be exactly like theirs. Don’t respond with ‘toughen up’ or ‘if I can do it, so can you’ or similar phrases. Phrases such as these are hurtful and suggest to the listener that their actions or feelings are less than.

Compassion. There’s nothing wrong with someone or yourself in being ‘soft’. Remember, the world is full of suffering. As Dharma and mindfulness practitioners, when we help ease the suffering of others, we help ease our own suffering. We also show compassion by adhering to personal boundaries. If we always say ‘yes’, we may be perpetuating suffering. Listening and not speaking while the other person is talking. Avoid saying ‘you should have / could have’ comments. Instead, if you have insightful suggestions phrase ‘have you tried’ or what works for me.

Avoiding gossip. Gossip perpetuates suffering and is neither nurturing nor developmental to ones wellbeing. Remember 'Right Speech' from the Noble Eightfold Path. When we listen to such talk, we are diminishing the persons experience in favor of a hurtful moment.

In order to understand someone we don’t necessarily need to have experienced the same exact situation as they. In fact, two people that experience the same situation may and often do take away completely differing experiences.

For example, when I was in Marine Corp boot camp, I had an enjoyable experience overall (don't get me wrong, it was still challenging!). Others, not so much and they had an extremely hard time. So, when we want to understand others suffering we need to open ourselves up with empathy and compassion to their experiences without judgment.

So as you bite into each new experience with someone be sure you do so with openness so that you may truly learn and potentially teach from the experience.

Wishing you continued peace and wellbeing,

 

Vladimir

 

You are warmly invited to follow on us on Facebook and Instagram at @bluelotuscenter for more ways to improve your mindfulness practice and wellbeing.

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

Website and monthly newsletter: www.bluelotusmeditation.us

For guided meditations and Dharma talks, please visit and subscribe to our YouTube channel.

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Calming The Mind During Times Of Anxiety

There seems to be always something occurring either in the world or our personal lives that we allow to agitate our minds. Perhaps we wake up only to find an expectation of ours has been altered, not met, or even abandoned. Regardless of the specific situation or circumstance our expectation lies from wanting to control the future, something we know is not possible. Remember, the future does not exist and therefor we cannot control what does not exist. And this may result in the mind becoming agitated or filled with anxiety.

But we do exist, you and I, in this very moment, are in existence. The future, we'll it does not exist, and most likely the future you're envisioning will not manifest itself as badly as you imagine. 

When our mind is agitated or unsettled we are not able to think or rationalize clearly. It's as if we are looking at life while driving through a heavy rainstorm uncertain if we're even in our lane. If you've ever been caught in one of these events you know how dangerous it can be. Driving at a high rate of speed, fear of hydroplaning, wipers on high, and windows up and air conditioning on to keep the windows from fogging up. Anxiety increases.

Doing all of these actions won't stop the rain or necessarily increase visibility nor offer much safety. So what is the safest 'action' we can do in times like these? We pull over and wait for the rain to stop or let up so we may safely resume our journey.

In our daily life when our mind becomes agitated, for what ever reason, or decision making or kind thinking becomes unclear so the best we can do is to non-do. We 'pull over' and let the storm of agitation pass.

So how do we 'pull over'? 

First we need to recognize we're even in a storm. We often know this because we get tense, loud perhaps, and angry within. When we recognize our agitation it is only then that we may begin the process of pulling over.

Stepping away from the situation or environment is an important non-doing we may take. Stepping away doesn't mean we are avoiding the situation. It means we recognize that we need some time to reflect and to let calmness in so our agitated mind may begin to settle. This non-doing is a sign of wisdom and compassion for our selves and for others.

From there we may find a location that is enveloped by solitude: a park, a lake, a parked car, or even a library. From there we may begin a more balanced mindful breathing and nurturing meditation. Allowing the mind to settle, allowing the mud to settle, allows for clear and balanced and kind thoughts. At first it may be hard, all types of scenarios surface in our mental playground but given non-doing they to move off and clarity begins to appear. 

Give yourself the time to love yourself. Allowing space and openness within cultivates calmness of the mind. And when calmness blossoms life is witnessed with beauty and joyful fulfillment.  

And with that my friends I wish you all peace and ease,

Vladimir

You are warmly invited to follow on us on Facebook and Instagram @bluelotuscenter for more way to improve your mindfulness practice and wellbeing.

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

Website and monthly newsletter: www.bluelotusmeditation.us

For guided meditations and Dharma talks, please visit and subscribe to our YouTube channel.

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Developing Healthy And Positive Relationships With Mindfulness

Think about your last or perhaps your current relationship.

Did you look forward to seeing this person? Spending quality time with them?

What is it that you like about them? There may even be qualities that you’re not fond of but you accept, like having an action figure collection.

The first healthy relationship most people experience is with their mothers, fathers, grandparents and perhaps siblings. But this situation doesn't have to be true for everyone, every family is different, but these interactions often lay the foundation for our future relationships.

We see how our parents interact and assume that’s how all families interact. We learn respectful behavior. How to nurture someone in time of sickness or other need. We learn how to trust. We learn love. We learn conflict resolution. And we learn boundaries.

But not every family is warm and nurturing. Sadly, some homes are not so pleasant and this may result in perpetuating suffering in your own relationships in the future.

So how may we learn how to mindfully develop and nurture positive and healthy relationships?

Before we talk about how mindfulness can help, let’s look at some examples of unhealthy relationship traits. Keep in mind that the dynamic isn’t only male on female, but may be female on male, male on male, female on female, or any of the vast array of family relationships that exist.

• A codependent relationship
• A relationship this involves verbal, physical, and sexual violence
• A relationship that involves some form of addiction such as, alcohol, drugs, gambling.
• A relationship that is financially abusive.
• A relationship this is emotionally abusive.

Although there are more examples, a majority of unhealthy relationships will combine one or more of these traits.

We often relate relationships to a journey. A journey along our own individual path as we seek spiritual enlightenment or at the very least a harmonious and wholesome life.

And along this journey we've embarked upon we’d like to have company.

This is normal since people are social beings. And a partner helps us enjoy what we mindfully encounter along the way.

A partner helps us during times of illness. A partner is there to help us celebrate joyful occasions. And a partner helps us see the world with a different perspective which helps us remove preconceived notions.

Preconceived notions and ideas about others, including our partners, takes away from your understanding of who they truly are, an individual being like yourself. And maintaining preconceived notions promotes suffering.

For example maybe we say ‘you aren't the same person any more’. Here we make a prediction about a person, a negative illusion, about some ones expected behavior. You are suffering as a result of this expectation and so is the other person as a result.

Or on the opposite side maybe we have a positive illusion, 'my partner can do no wrong'. Here you are clinging to an idealized version of them which may lead to unrealistic expectations about their behavior. Again, more suffering for the both of you.

Before we may offer space for a partner along our journey we need to be sure we are ready and that we are healthy to do so. Meaning that we are with mindful awareness, opening ourselves to being vulnerable, and accepting another as they walk along their path as well. You are in the here and now, in the present moment.

If you feel you are ready then I offer you some gentle suggestions of what to look for.

• Gentle speaking
• Supportive.
• honest
• Non-violent.
• Not jealous or possessive
• Compassionate towards you, himself, and others
• Empathetic towards you, himself, and others
• And certainly you both love each other.

Mindfulness is a wonderful way to help value and strengthen a relationship both with yourself and others. And so as you continue on your journey, breath in and say ‘as I breathe in I walk in peace’ and as you breathe out say ‘as I breathe out I open myself to the beauty of others’.

And with that my friends I wish you all peace and ease,

Vladimir

You are warmly invited to follow on us on Facebook and Instagram @bluelotuscenter for more way to improve your mindfulness practice and wellbeing.

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

Website and monthly newsletter: www.bluelotusmeditation.us

For guided meditations and Dharma talks, please visit and subscribe to our YouTube channel.

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The Importance of Gratitude

Opening Our Hearts To Receive Joy

With Thanksgiving right around the corner, we often become more mindful of what we’ve been fortunate to have received, or not received, over the course of the year. We reflect on the trials and tribulations we’ve overcome, as well as fond memories formed, accomplishments and achievements, all the while rejoicing in being here, in the present moment. 

I would think that 2021 has been better than 2020 for most of us and that is something to be thankful for this year. Although we celebrate Thanksgiving with food, laughter, hugs, and affection, Thanksgiving contains a much deeper meaning.

As I write this I’m listening to My Life by The Beatles. It may sound like a sad song but if you listen to it it’s a beautiful reflection of ‘people and things that went before’. Everything in life changes, people, places, and memories will not remain the same. As a result of these changes, we reflect on the past with a certain nostalgia making it necessary to cultivate thankfulness for what we have received, even if it’s a memory of loss or hardship.

Although we may be grateful for someone holding open a door, letting us cut in line when we only have a few items, we truly recognize thankfulness when we overcome a situation where we were faced with the possibility of something precious taken from us. 

Overcoming these trying times with the support of family and friends, or even by yourself, is a wonderful accomplishment and illustrates the importance of being thankful, the essence of Thanksgiving.

Here are a few considerations you may be grateful for:

• Waking up this morning. Many won't and being alive is a wonderful gift.
• Clean air. You don't need to live on a mountain top or forest to appreciate a deep inhale and exhale.
• Clean water. You don't need to go to a well or river to drink. Fresh, clean water is right in your tap.
• Your clothing. Clothing is designed to protect you from the elements. No matter what you have on it's doing it's job and many do not have clothing as well.
• Shelter. You don't need a fancy home or even an apartment to be grateful for shelter. Shelter is anything that protects you from the elements, including a tent.
• Food. If you ate last night, you were more fortunate than many others.  

As you cultivate gratitude for what you have now, you may also bring mindful awareness to where you may be tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. When you have gratitude for what you have in the present moment you will ring this joy with you into all that you may have and experience in the future.

For it is when we are thankful that we are more open to compassion and forgiveness to ourselves and to others. So, as you begin to reflect this season, offer yourself compassion and forgiveness and reach out to those who may be hurting. Your caring voice may be the only one they hear and as a result maybe a bountiful cornucopia of blessings spring forward towards you both.

Wishing you all a joyful Thanksgiving,

Vladimir

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.