The Sixteen Imperfections of the Mind | The Eight Imperfections : Part 2 Subtle Distortions of Identity

As we continue, the first eight imperfections are loud and easy to recognize. The second eight are quieter. They hide behind respectability and often disguise themselves as confidence or maturity.

These subtler distortions can be difficult to see, but mindfulness gently reveals them. What we are willing to examine loses its unconscious power.

Let's continue:

9. Hypocrisy (Māyā): Presenting oneself as better than one truly is. Mindfulness invites authenticity.

10. Fraudulence (Sāṭheyya): Deception for personal gain. Awareness fosters radical honesty.

11. Obstinacy (Thambha): Rigid refusal to reconsider views. Mindfulness softens identification with opinions.

12. Presumption (Sārambha): Competitive superiority. Mindfulness replaces comparison with cultivation.

13. Conceit (Māna): The measuring mind: better, worse, equal. Awareness dissolves comparison.

14. Arrogance (Atimāna): Inflated self-importance. Mindfulness grounds us in impermanence.

15. Vanity (Mada): Clinging to youth, status, or praise. Awareness reveals change in real time.

16. Negligence (Pamāda): Spiritual carelessness or forgetting. Mindfulness restores diligence and wakefulness.

Negligence, that quiet forgetting, is often the doorway through which the others return. When we forget to pause, forget to breathe, forget that this moment is practice, the mind drifts.

The Buddha’s final exhortation, recorded in the Mahāparinibbāna Sutta, urged diligence and heedfulness. I hear that not as pressure, but as tenderness, a reminder not to drift through this precious life asleep.

What reassures me most is this: the presence of an imperfection is not failure. The willingness to see it is awakening beginning to move.

The presence of an imperfection is not failure. The willingness to see it is awakening beginning to move. Each moment of mindfulness is a quiet turning of the heart toward freedom.

Each moment of mindfulness, each honest recognition, is a quiet turning of the heart toward freedom.

And perhaps that is enough for today.

Vladimir

Sathu. Sathu. Sathu.

Buddham Saranam Gacchami 

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Vladimir imparts the Buddha's Dharma with warmth and skill, filling the world's deep need for loving-kindness, compassion, and empathy. 

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Finding Gratitude In Times Of Hardship

The first Noble Truth of Buddhism easily states that there is suffering in life. Suffering is an inherent component of existence. Therefor we will experience days that are challenging, upsetting, or downright scary to us.

Maybe we miss our bus or train to work.

An important relationship of ours ends without warning.

Bad weather cancels an event we have been looking forward to for so long.

Or perhaps we receive the news that a loved one has passed away.

Any one of these situations or a multitude of others may make us feel that our day, our week, or even our lives are over. But these thoughts only reinforce our notion of permanence and clinging to 'way things were'.

However, when we remove these surficial response or our initial reactions of these feelings we begin to realize yes, that experience may not be what we desired or expected but it is here now.

The more we resist the experience the more we will continue to suffer from the experience.

We agree to accept the experience for what it is.

It’s only when we accept an experience that is hard or unexpectedly challenging that we are able to find gratitude in that present moment.

Imagine you come home from work one day and your home is empty.

On the table is a note from your partner saying that they were unhappy and felt it necessary to end this relationship.

Your initial response could be one of fear, or anger, or uncertainty. Who will love me? I’ll never make it without them in my life. I’m sure there are a lot of other things you may say as well in your mind if not aloud.

But notice the focus of these questions and statements: ‘Me’ 

And if we continue with these self-centered thoughts that are no-doubt debilitating and untrue about yourself we will not be able to find the gratitude from that experience.

That experience taught you some valuable lessons or offered some important experience. 

Maybe you learned how to cook. Or balance a checkbook. Or paint. Or exercise.

If it was an exercise routine maybe you're in better physical condition than before. That's certainly a positive outcome from this relationship.

Another example could be the following.

Maybe your alarm clock malfunctions and you wake up late for work. Not by a little but by a lot. There is no way you’ll get to work at your scheduled time. You call your supervisor with some anxiety and trepidation but calmly let them know you’ll be late.

It turns out that there was a large power outage at 3 AM as a result of a passing storm and you’re not the only one that was affected by this unexpected event.

As you hang up the phone you look out the window and just above the horizon you see the most beautiful sunrise that you’ve seen in such a long time. You realize that this is a sight you haven't seen in a long time because by now you're in the office.

In this example there are at least two opportunities to be grateful for.

One, you were able to experience the beauty of the new day beginning. From the deep purples, to lavenders, to salmon, to a beautiful blue sky.

And two, you have a supervisor that is understanding of others challenging life experiences.

But not every experience is benign as a power outage so how do we find gratitude when a loved one passes? 

The passing of a loved one elicits a much deeper emotional response depending on the level of bonding between two people, but what one may do is not to think of the loss of the person but to be grateful for the experience. 

There are now 8 billion people on Earth and you will only ever encounter a very, very small percentage of its inhabitants. So the fact that the two of you were able to share many times together is a very unique experience shared only between the two of you. And that gift is one that truly never disappears and is something to be grateful for. 

We will all experience times of disappointment, grief, sadness, and hardship. But how long we live in those moments is entirely up to us. And the more we focus on ‘us’ and not the moment we will continue to perpetuate a clouded perspective.

When we learn to respond to a situation rather than react to one we are able to find gratitude in it, no matter how saddening or challenging it is.

And when we learn to respond with openness instead of resistance, curiosity instead of certainty, love instead of fear, we are able to allow ourselves to experience the joy of gratitude.  

Wishing you continued peace and wellbeing,

Vladimir

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Moving Out Of Your Mind Swamp

Life will always happen around us and to us. 

Whether it’s a fortuitous event like an unexpected handwritten letter from a dear friend, a neutral event like you’re sitting on a bus on your way to work, or one that may have significant negative implications like receiving some dreadful news about a loved one.

Negative events seem to have a more lasting impact on our wellbeing than the positive or neutral circumstances. And if we allow ourselves to live in those moments too long they too can bloom into lasting anxiety, despair, and hopelessness.

When we dwell in the negative we are giving ourselves permission to be unkind to our being.

It’s not that you are not allowed to feel sad for a friend or sad for yourself at times. You are and these are normal emotions and it is why we have and experience them from time to time. But staying there too long will have an affect on your long-term wellbeing if not addressed mindfully.

If you will, recall a time when perhaps you dwelled in an unfortunate circumstance too long. Perhaps you were fired or laid off from a job. Maybe a long-term relationship was abruptly ended. Or maybe a much anticipated outcome did not come to fruition as planned. What did you do? How did your behavior change? How did it make your body feel? What thoughts were coming to mind.

Now, recalling that same instance, what brought you out of the negative mindset? You may answer friends, family, or even a vacation. If you said any of these, or something else, you’d be wrong.

 

So what then did bring you out of this negative mind-space?

It was you. No one has the power over you, that power of healing is something only you possess. No one may 'make' you feel any type of way. Your feelings are simply what 'you' give permission to or allow to bloom. No one may give you that gift other than yourself.

Sure, others may point out or list the positives within you but it is ultimately your decision to say ‘yes, the good qualities they see in me are true’. And then you, no one else, decides to embrace them.

So what made you finally move from this saddened mindset to one of moving forward?

Maybe it was the realization that you are worthy. That you are not lacking or wanting.

 

You simply realized that the suffering you were allowing yourself to sit with was not healing. You were in what I call a mind swamp. You let go of a past that was anchoring you in a place that was un-nurturing.

But now reflect on how long it took you to realize your worthiness and not remain in this mind-swamp? Was it hours, days, weeks, months, or perhaps even years?

As mindfulness practitioners we know that all things, including circumstances are impermanent. And this is an important understanding because it reveals to us that life is truly beautiful when we are aware of this impermanent quality.

 

So how may we move past our mind-swamp into someplace more nurturing?

We will look towards the Buddha for some of his insightful teachings.

One method he suggests as teaches is:

If some unskilled thoughts associated with desire, aversion or confusion arise and disturb the mind, you should attend instead to another characteristic  which is associated with what is skilled . . . It is like a skilled carpenter who can knock out a large peg with a small peg.

You simply replace the negative thought with one that is more wholesome and welcoming. This may sound simple but it can be hard because we like to hold on to what we're comfortable with, even if it's painful.  

The second method the Buddha suggests when dealing with disturbing thoughts is:

Scrutinize the peril of these unskilled thoughts by thinking: 'these are unskilled thoughts, these are thoughts that have errors, indeed these are thoughts that are of painful results . . . It is like a woman or a man, young and fond of adornment, who if the carcass of a snake or a dog were hanging around their neck would be revolted and disgusted and throw it away immediately as soon as they noticed it.

Here you recognize that these thoughts are harmful, have impacts, and will, without a doubt, perpetuate your suffering. When you are lost in your negative thoughts you will continue to justify them. Simply let them go. 

I would like to leave you with this about the power of your thoughts again from the Buddha:

The thought manifests as the word;

The word manifests as a deed;

The deed develops into habit

And habit hardens into character.

So watch the thought and its ways with care

And let it spring from love

Born out of concern for all beings.

Take time to reflect on these teachings and examples and see how best they may fit into your own lives.

I wish you all peace , ease, and wellbeing.

Vladimir

You are warmly invited to follow on us on Facebook and Instagram @bluelotuscenter for more ways to improve your mindfulness practice and wellbeing.

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Mindfulness For Father And Sons

As a male in our society, like many of us I suppose, I was encouraged, or more honestly, taught what it was to be a 'man'. That a 'man' behaves a certain way. He doesn't cry. Doesn't show too much joy or happiness, emotions are a sign of weakness. He's the bread winner of the home. He's the firm disciplinarian. His say is final. He is an avid sports fan. Drinks beer. He cursus. And when his sights are set on a woman he is unapologetically like a panther on a deer. 

With all of these 'male' expectations to live up to it's no wonder why there's so much disconnect with who we are on the inside. So much rage and insecurity pile on inside when what he has been taught doesn't come to fruition. Men may feel lost. Men may feel sadness welling inside, like every other human being, but continues to feel the societal pressure to 'be a man'.

This cultural conditioning is passed on to their sons.

Which in turn is passed onto their sons. 

Fortunately we are beginning to witness small signs of change in how fathers interact and warmly nurture their sons. For example, we can turn to social media platforms and see post, stories, and reels of fathers not only lovingly embracing their infant and young sons but pre-teen and teen sons as well. Decades ago, even without the ease of posting to social media, this type of care was not likely displayed at home yet alone in public and certainly not for the world to see.

So how do men change their 'tough' exterior to one of nurturing and care?

The very first realization to consider is that what anyone, both woman and men, sees in the mirror is merely a shell containing a consciousness. Your exterior does not 'define' who you are. In our religion until you have experienced enlightenment you will continuously be reincarnated, in other words same the consciousness (or being) as now but in different forms with each rebirth.

So no matter what form you currently inhabit the consciousness that is 'you' is capable of so much more than what is offered to you culturally based upon your sex, physique, or socio-economic status. 

As you sit there with or observe or reflect on your son, think back to the reason you decided to become a parent in the first place. Was it so he could be mean to others? Was it so he could be the best fighter in the neighborhood? Was it so he could sexually harass or dominate over women? Or could it have been you wanted him to beat up those who are weaker then he?

I would hope that none of the above were the reasons a man decided to enter parenthood. 

Instead we want our son to be kind, considerate, and loving towards others. 

When we reframe our perspective from one of the visual, physical, shallow, and ego driven, to one that is more encompassing, eternal, loving, warm, compassionate, empathetic, we are better able to support our sons to navigate healthily in the world in that they will inevitable enter.

So we too as fathers need to let go of ego. Ego is not mindful, aware, open, or compassionate. Ego is nothing more than a thin, frail shell used as a shield to continue doing harm to sons, ourselves, and others.  

As fathers we may best support our sons wellbeing by showing that we too are capable of warmth, support, compassion, love, and soft physical connection.

Using mindfulness as we reflect on ourselves and our sons we begin to understand perhaps the stern discipline and harsh punishments was very harmful to our mental wellbeing. But also using mindfulness we understand that we are not our past, we have the ability to shed our old skin in favor of a new skin. A new skin that is not full of ego, anger, jealousy, insincerity, and fear but instead one this is full of love, compassion, empathy, and gratitude for the the opportunity to shape and cultivate a well developed son.

And with that my friends I wish you all peace and ease,

Vladimir

You are warmly invited to follow on us on Facebook and Instagram @bluelotuscenter for more ways to improve your mindfulness practice and wellbeing.

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Brightening Someone Else's Inner Light

Everyone has their own journey to walk, their own experiences to meet, their own decisions to make, their own actions to be responsible for, their own steps to take on their path. No matter what someone else encounters on their path it is not our path to walk or our decision to make. The experience is solely that individuals. 

But that doesn't mean when someone experiences times of great suffering we can't be there with them. There is no possibility that we may eliminate their suffering, we are not them, but that doesn't mean we cannot help ease their suffering. In fact, one of the most important acts a person may do for another is to demonstrate kindness. A smile. A kind word. Listening attentively. Even simply acknowledging some ones existence. These are all simple acts of kindness.

The Buddha states that in order to realize enlightenment one must have wisdom and compassion, much like two wings on a bird. Demonstrating compassion towards another not only helps to ease their suffering but also cultivates compassion and empathy within. What greater good may there be? 

Although we may never eliminate suffering in the world, we still make an effort. And it is this kind intention, the hopeful seed within, that we care for and nurture. 

People feel sad or get depressed when they experience overwhelming suffering. Feelings of hopelessness or despair begin to root within the mind and if watered depression may begin to set in.

So how do we brighten someone else's inner light? Before I offer some suggestions let's look at the primary cause of a defeated spirit, future living or expectations. 

Let's consider the following example: your best friend has worked very hard at her company for several years, always show up to work and her work is high quality. Maybe she even gets yearly performance raises. The company posts a new management position and she feels she's ideal for. You both practice interviewing techniques. She interviews and all goes well only to find out that someone junior to her was offered the position. She relates to you that she feels defeated and wonder why she's worked so hard for a company only to be rejected.

As a mindfulness practitioner you examine her feelings nonjudgmentally and realize that her suffering comes from the expectation of a particular event outcome. The expectation, or assumption, was that she would get a promotion based on past performance, she was living in the future. Living in the future is not living in the present moment. Nor is living in the past. Living in the past or living in the future diminishes the inner light. 

So how may we help our dear friend? Here are some nurturing suggestions:

• We listen without judgment to what they say.

• We acknowledge without judgment their feelings but we do not offer advice or suggestions on what to do next time, instead only acknowledge their circumstances.

• Without judgment, we let them know that all things in life are impermanent.

• Remind them that oftentimes not getting what you want is the best that could happen.

• Let it go with grace. Holding on to the past increases suffering.    

Remember, we each are on our own path and no matter what we do we may never eliminate another's suffering, but we can ease it a bit, thus helping them walk with awareness.

And with that my friends I wish you all peace and ease,

Vladimir

You are warmly invited to follow on us on Facebook and Instagram @bluelotuscenter for more ways to improve your mindfulness practice and wellbeing.

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The Real World: A Mindful Perspective

I remember growing up as a child my parents, teachers, and other adult authority figures telling us how easy we have and to 'just wait until you get into the real world'. At my age I've been in the 'real world' for quite some time and have seen and experienced a lot. 

After graduating high school, enlisting in the Marines, married, children, university, career...well several careers at this point, only to arrive at where I am at this moment. And after all I've seen, done, gained, lost, laughed, cried, loved, disagreed with, learned, forgotten, and relearned, I came to realization that the 'real' world is entirely perspective. 

As I look back with mindful reflection I've realized that each moment of my life, from birth to this present moment has been the real world. 

Each perceived moment of my real world was been based on my experiences and then perceiving those experiences based on how I thought they should be, not how they were. My perceptions were biased with cravings and desires. So in essence each moment of my childhood was my real world. Each moment of my adolescence was my real world. Each moment of my adult life was my real world.

At each stage of my life I was living my real world. Not my teachers, not my parents, not my friends, nor your real world. This realization was not truly unveiled to me until I had been a mindfulness practitioner for at least several months.

So how does the 'real' world affect our decisions and actions.

Consider this - rain.

Rain is simply rain. It is soothing, nurturing, and certainly essential for life. 

Not too far from where are meditation center is located in the south, they are experiencing a moderate drought. Not too alarming at this time but still something to be mindful of.

So when any rain does occur, farmers are joyful that their crops, for which they depend on to live, are receiving this nurturing event. 

But now consider a happy couple who have planned for months of a spectacular outdoor wedding and reception. If by chance you've ever planned a wedding some may be very extravagant but all are prepared with care and love.

When this very same rain event occurs those involved with the planning, especially the bride and groom on their special day, are saddened. They feel all of this planning has now been washed away with the rain.

So what was the difference between the two parties? Perspective resulting form cravings and desires. One is a joyful and welcome event while the other was 'disastrous'. Regardless of perspective we can mindfully look at this, the rain is out of our control. 

Our perspective shaped our real world. And very often without sincere reflection of events people tend to shape their real world negatively. Now, this bride and groom may never plan an outdoor event due to even the possibility of rain. And this negative view point can be carried on to many people they encounter. Their experience shaped their 'real' world.

So at this time I warmly invite you to offer some other examples in the comments below where experiences shape some ones 'real' world perception.

And with that my friends I wish you all peace and ease,

Vladimir

You are warmly invited to follow on us on Facebook and Instagram @bluelotuscenter for more way to improve your mindfulness practice and wellbeing.

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Developing Healthy And Positive Relationships With Mindfulness

Think about your last or perhaps your current relationship.

Did you look forward to seeing this person? Spending quality time with them?

What is it that you like about them? There may even be qualities that you’re not fond of but you accept, like having an action figure collection.

The first healthy relationship most people experience is with their mothers, fathers, grandparents and perhaps siblings. But this situation doesn't have to be true for everyone, every family is different, but these interactions often lay the foundation for our future relationships.

We see how our parents interact and assume that’s how all families interact. We learn respectful behavior. How to nurture someone in time of sickness or other need. We learn how to trust. We learn love. We learn conflict resolution. And we learn boundaries.

But not every family is warm and nurturing. Sadly, some homes are not so pleasant and this may result in perpetuating suffering in your own relationships in the future.

So how may we learn how to mindfully develop and nurture positive and healthy relationships?

Before we talk about how mindfulness can help, let’s look at some examples of unhealthy relationship traits. Keep in mind that the dynamic isn’t only male on female, but may be female on male, male on male, female on female, or any of the vast array of family relationships that exist.

• A codependent relationship
• A relationship this involves verbal, physical, and sexual violence
• A relationship that involves some form of addiction such as, alcohol, drugs, gambling.
• A relationship that is financially abusive.
• A relationship this is emotionally abusive.

Although there are more examples, a majority of unhealthy relationships will combine one or more of these traits.

We often relate relationships to a journey. A journey along our own individual path as we seek spiritual enlightenment or at the very least a harmonious and wholesome life.

And along this journey we've embarked upon we’d like to have company.

This is normal since people are social beings. And a partner helps us enjoy what we mindfully encounter along the way.

A partner helps us during times of illness. A partner is there to help us celebrate joyful occasions. And a partner helps us see the world with a different perspective which helps us remove preconceived notions.

Preconceived notions and ideas about others, including our partners, takes away from your understanding of who they truly are, an individual being like yourself. And maintaining preconceived notions promotes suffering.

For example maybe we say ‘you aren't the same person any more’. Here we make a prediction about a person, a negative illusion, about some ones expected behavior. You are suffering as a result of this expectation and so is the other person as a result.

Or on the opposite side maybe we have a positive illusion, 'my partner can do no wrong'. Here you are clinging to an idealized version of them which may lead to unrealistic expectations about their behavior. Again, more suffering for the both of you.

Before we may offer space for a partner along our journey we need to be sure we are ready and that we are healthy to do so. Meaning that we are with mindful awareness, opening ourselves to being vulnerable, and accepting another as they walk along their path as well. You are in the here and now, in the present moment.

If you feel you are ready then I offer you some gentle suggestions of what to look for.

• Gentle speaking
• Supportive.
• honest
• Non-violent.
• Not jealous or possessive
• Compassionate towards you, himself, and others
• Empathetic towards you, himself, and others
• And certainly you both love each other.

Mindfulness is a wonderful way to help value and strengthen a relationship both with yourself and others. And so as you continue on your journey, breath in and say ‘as I breathe in I walk in peace’ and as you breathe out say ‘as I breathe out I open myself to the beauty of others’.

And with that my friends I wish you all peace and ease,

Vladimir

You are warmly invited to follow on us on Facebook and Instagram @bluelotuscenter for more way to improve your mindfulness practice and wellbeing.

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How To Tell If Your Mindfulness Practice Is Working

How do you know that mindfulness is working for you? Are there signs that come right out and say ‘now that my friend was mindfulness’?

I doubt there is such an obvious signal such as this.

So how may we tell that our practice is working for us?

There are several ways in which I think illustrate the effectives of your practice. The first is how you deal with a crisis.

The Buddha once asked an attendant of his to fetch him some cool water to drink. The dutiful attendant found a creek nearby to fill his vessel. 

However, at the same time an oxcart drove through this creek and muddied the water making it undrinkable. The attendant waited for the mud to settle before filling the drinking vessel.

The attendant related to the Buddha as to why it took him such a loving time to return, and the Buddha replied ‘A disturbed mind is the same as muddy water. With time the mud will settle, and we get clear water. And to get the clear water you didn’t have to do anything and only needed patience’.

In times of stress many people panic. Panic leads to frantic action, disorganized and counterproductive thoughts, stress and anxiety about potential or uncertain outcomes, and often to an even more undesirable outcome. Mindfulness and meditation allow one to foster and develop a sense of balance and calmness allowing one to act with care and attention. It is only when our mind is settled, we have clarity of thought.

At this time, I invite you to reflect upon a past time of crisis or high stress and reflect upon how you handled it. Was it with calmness or was it with agitation?

But what about something that is more of an everyday occurrence, like a relationship?

Often when we’re younger we seek someone that offers us something we ‘think’ we’re needing or lacking. It could be someone with an exciting hair style, a certain personality, or they could be the ‘dangerous or exciting’ person that we know our family with disapprove of. Perhaps we feel we may even be able to ‘fix’ them.

But when we look at ourselves with mindful introspection as we age what do we see? Very often we see (hopefully) harmless youthful mistakes and adventures.

But consider where you are now. Have you left those cravings and desires behind, or have you substituted one for another?

For example, perhaps as a teen you liked the boy with the motorcycle or the one in a garage band. You though he improved your image giving you a rough edge, his friends were completely different than yours, and maybe he was several years older than you.

But now in your thirties or forties you find excitement from someone who works hard spending many hours at the office but is never home to nurture your wellbeing. You find creative ways to entice them but the response is seldom acknowledged in a meaningful way. Are you able to ‘fix’ them?

More likely though we begin to view life with more awareness and don’t seek the excitement of youth. We understand that those times served their purpose but have now passed. With our mindful practice we see more clearly, less muddied water if you will, the value of balance and calmness.

So again, how may we tell of our mindfulness practice is working? It’s working when we realize we have awareness of the present moment and welcoming in whatever we’re experience with balance an calm.

 

I wish you peace and ease, 

Vladimir

You are warmly invited to follow on us on Facebook and Instagram @bluelotuscenter for more way to improve your mindfulness practice and wellbeing.

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