The Real World: A Mindful Perspective

I remember growing up as a child my parents, teachers, and other adult authority figures telling us how easy we have and to 'just wait until you get into the real world'. At my age I've been in the 'real world' for quite some time and have seen and experienced a lot. 

After graduating high school, enlisting in the Marines, married, children, university, career...well several careers at this point, only to arrive at where I am at this moment. And after all I've seen, done, gained, lost, laughed, cried, loved, disagreed with, learned, forgotten, and relearned, I came to realization that the 'real' world is entirely perspective. 

As I look back with mindful reflection I've realized that each moment of my life, from birth to this present moment has been the real world. 

Each perceived moment of my real world was been based on my experiences and then perceiving those experiences based on how I thought they should be, not how they were. My perceptions were biased with cravings and desires. So in essence each moment of my childhood was my real world. Each moment of my adolescence was my real world. Each moment of my adult life was my real world.

At each stage of my life I was living my real world. Not my teachers, not my parents, not my friends, nor your real world. This realization was not truly unveiled to me until I had been a mindfulness practitioner for at least several months.

So how does the 'real' world affect our decisions and actions.

Consider this - rain.

Rain is simply rain. It is soothing, nurturing, and certainly essential for life. 

Not too far from where are meditation center is located in the south, they are experiencing a moderate drought. Not too alarming at this time but still something to be mindful of.

So when any rain does occur, farmers are joyful that their crops, for which they depend on to live, are receiving this nurturing event. 

But now consider a happy couple who have planned for months of a spectacular outdoor wedding and reception. If by chance you've ever planned a wedding some may be very extravagant but all are prepared with care and love.

When this very same rain event occurs those involved with the planning, especially the bride and groom on their special day, are saddened. They feel all of this planning has now been washed away with the rain.

So what was the difference between the two parties? Perspective resulting form cravings and desires. One is a joyful and welcome event while the other was 'disastrous'. Regardless of perspective we can mindfully look at this, the rain is out of our control. 

Our perspective shaped our real world. And very often without sincere reflection of events people tend to shape their real world negatively. Now, this bride and groom may never plan an outdoor event due to even the possibility of rain. And this negative view point can be carried on to many people they encounter. Their experience shaped their 'real' world.

So at this time I warmly invite you to offer some other examples in the comments below where experiences shape some ones 'real' world perception.

And with that my friends I wish you all peace and ease,

Vladimir

You are warmly invited to follow on us on Facebook and Instagram @bluelotuscenter for more way to improve your mindfulness practice and wellbeing.

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

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Mindfulness, Schools, and Our Children’s Mental Wellbeing

Incorporating A Safe Space For Our Children

There was a TicTok video circulating recently calling for violence in our schools across our society. Although law enforcement determined this to be a non-credible threat many parents chose to keep their children home. Some schools even closed. My daughter text me to come pick her up early due to her not feeling safe in her school, regardless of the additional police presence.

This text message and ensuing conversation with her caused me to pause and reflect not only on this type of situation that has become an all-too-common occurrence but to many other forms of anxiety and fear within our school system. 

Setting these types of gross violent incidents aside for a moment, consider how often our children experience bullying, ridicule, and instances of ostracizing on a daily basis.

These non-newsworthy actions result in feelings of anxiety and fear in a child in a place that is designed to enrich our young peoples lives.

When we think about our children being bullied we often neglect the ‘bully’ themselves. But they too are victims of fear, violence, ridicule, and anxiety, more likely as a result of some form of trauma at home. 

So here too, a child’s home, is a place that is supposed to be supportive, comforting, and safe for a them but yet it isn’t.

So where is a young person, a child, supposed to feel safe during their day if needed?

Think about a location where you would want to retreat to in these circumstances and what you find comforting, relaxing, non-judgmental, and safe.

During my reflection a thought entered my mind. A room with no tables, no chairs, no aromas, but only soft, clean, and inviting cushions to sit on, and low, and soft, ambient lighting. A room of tranquility.

Notice I make no mention of sounds or aromas. This is deliberate because sounds and aromas may trigger the memory of trauma which is what we’re trying to avoid in this room.

Imagine if this type of room were readily available at all times during the school day. Who could potentially use this type of safe space?

I’m sure we can picture a child who is bullied in this room but what about the ‘popular’ girl or boy who is being sexually molested that we have no idea about. Or perhaps it’s the child who is unassuming, who avoids attention because they don’t cause trouble but yet they feel alone inside with screams of pain well hidden from all.

People need a retreat, a safe space, somewhere to regain their balance. A room of tranquility has the potential to offer this to some child in need.

A room of tranquility doesn’t need to be staffed with a mental health professional. It could be staffed with a teacher, an administrator, a priest, a rabbi, a volunteer senior citizen. The only requirement needed is non-judgmental listening if needed and no offerings of advice or suggestions.

Maybe this is the room where a student realizes that their life has value. Maybe this is the room where a student reaches out to a trusted adult to let them know what is happening at home. Maybe this is the room where a student realizes that committing an act of violence in their school will only cause more suffering.

Something to consider, don’t you think?
 

I wish you peace and ease,

Vladimir

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

The Thirty-Three Year Old Grudge

Holding On To The Past To Inhibit Love

Imagine being angry all of the time. What damage must that do to your spirit over the course of an hour? A day? A week? Or, 30 years?

We have often heard that holding onto anger and resentment is like travelling with excess baggage at the airport terminal. It is cumbersome to move around, we bump into people along the way, and we may not get to our gate on-time. It certainly makes for an unpleasant experience moving from one location to another.

Now, imagine holding onto a grudge because of something that happened, not necessarily to you, but within a family. Divorce.

Children and young teens often lack the emotional maturity to realize that whatever is happening between the parents has nothing to do with them. 

Lacking the necessary coping skills, young people often express themselves through unhealthy ways. Violence, sexual activity, stealing, thrill-seeking, drugs, or alcohol may be among these expressions.

All of these actions, and many more, are examples of suffering. 

And as a result, sadly, this all too often extends suffering towards other family members and friends as well. 

In other terms, suffering is labeled as a traumatic experience. And it’s important to remember that trauma is defined by the survivor not necessarily by a specific circumstance.

Sometimes as children mature they 'grow' out of this self-destructive behavior. They've learned to accept the circumstance and to let go of the past so that they may move forward and blossom. 

Sometimes they do not.

It's commonly believed that people need to 'integrate' their trauma to overcome or deal with the experience but that's not true. The traumatic event has already happened. It no longer exists, the danger has passed, but remains in the memory. 

It's commonly believed that people need to 'integrate' their trauma to overcome or deal with it but that's not true. The traumatic event has already happened. It no longer exists, the danger has passed, but remains in the memory. 

The next step, which can be difficult, is accepting that what has happened did happen, and realize it is in the past which can no longer affect us. Acceptance is then followed by letting go, which too can be difficult as well. 

Acceptance and letting go can be successfully accomplished with mindful meditation.   

Imagine a couple divorcing over 30 years ago and one child, now in their upper 40s, still using that experience as justification for their current behavior. 

'I act the way I do in 2021 because of what happened in 1988'

Knowingly causing harm to themselves and others but not seeking the help necessary to stop the suffering that they continuously experience has persisted for decades.

This traumatic event, for this poor child, has been watered and nurtured into resentment and has now manifested as a long-term grudge. 

Long-term happiness, balance, and joy have been replaced with superficial, short-term relationships, low self-esteem, negative police interactions, and perpetual suffering.

This is not a wholesome and balanced lifestyle especially when so much more is out there and readily available.

Sadly, this has been a long, lonely time to carry this baggage in a terminal to not arrive at a peaceful destination. 

So how may mindfulness help relieve this suffering?

When we sit mindfully breathing in, we can say ‘As I breath in I feel my suffering’. ‘As I breath out I walk forward with peace’

The in breath acknowledges and accepts the suffering they are experiencing while the exhale allows this suffering to pass and they may walk forward without continued suffering.

If you know of someone who has experienced a traumatic event let them know that help is available.

I wish you peace and ease,

Vladimir

Blue Lotus Mindfulness and Meditation Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.