Mindfulness And The Multigenerational Household

Growing up in the United States it’s uncommon to find grandparents living at home. Yes, they do exist here and there and out of all my friends, and people I knew, there were only two households that were multigenerational. The rest were all what we would consider a nuclear family, mom and dad and one or two children.

Before I go further, I want to state that all families that are built on love, trust and safety are wonderful.  What I will bring forward here are some of the advantages of living in a multigenerational home.

As I travel in various communities in Asia, I see firsthand that it is very much the opposite. Here the grandparents or even married siblings all live in the same house. Homes are rarely empty during the day, and someone is always present to care for the grandparents. Children and grandchildren, are very common as well.

Weddings and engagement celebrations as well as funerial services also oftentimes occur in the home too.

What does this have to do with mindfulness?

A lot.

Being around people doesn’t allow for the sense of loneliness or isolation to take hold. It’s not that there isn’t any peace and quiet at home, there is, but a sense of responsibly to caring for relatives and the home doesn’t allow for unhealthy mindsets to take root.

Younger children learn a sense of community and boundaries as well. I all my years and travels I have yet to see a ‘tantrum’. Now, again, I’m not saying tantrums don’t happen, but they must not be as common as one may expect.

My latest travel was to Cambodia where I witnessed and participated in a funeral service. The body, as well as all of the religious traditions, were observed in the home. When the grandfather passed away, the body wasn’t taken away. Instead, it was lovingly prepared at home where it remained for about 5 days until the actual burial.

This situation is an important lesson when it comes to mindfulness and death. It reminds us, and teaches young children, that death is a natural part of life. It will happen to us all.  As we get older, bodies become frailer, and ailments begin to become more prevalent.

In Western society a lot of this is hidden away from young children. As such, when death of a cherished loved one does happen, feelings are not well addressed or handled. Parents often feel the need to ‘protect’ them from natural phenomena not realizing death also comes to the young as well.

This is an important lesson in mindfulness, being aware of and addressing hard feelings appropriately. And the earlier we teach children and young adults how to address these hard feelings with love and compassion instead of with fear and unskillful responses, the better off they will be when they reach adulthood.  

Sathu. Sathu. Sathu.

Buddham Saranam Gacchami

 
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Vladimir warmly and skillfully passes on the Buddhas Dharma to a world in need of loving-kindness, compassion, and empathy for the benefit of all living beings.
 
To learn more about us and for free mindfulness and mediation resources you are warmly invited to visit: www.bluelotusmeditation.us
 
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Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a 501(c)(3) Buddhist society.

On Being 'Insert Emotion Here'.

When we experience an emotion we typically say 'I am angry' or 'I am sad'...or I am whatever emotion is being experienced at the time.

'I am' described a quality that something possesses as part of it's characteristics. For example, a Red Delicious apple will always be red. It will never be orange or yellow. It's coloring will never change. 

Your emotions, on the other hand, will.

You are not always angry, happy, sad, or melancholy. In fact, on any given day you may experience all of these emotions for different lengths of time and even intensities.

A monk best described emotions to me as this: emotions are like tools in a tool box. You only use the right tool for the right job and when you're finished you put the tool back.

Too often we allow ourselves to carry an emotion for far too long. The longer we carry it, the less useful it is. This not only applies to the emotions we consider 'negative' like anger but applies just as much to the 'positive' emotions like elation.

Why is this?

It's simply because we have not realized or accepted the moment has passed. We desire to stay there even if we feel it is hurtful.

All conditions, without exception, have the quality of impermanence. And it is within impermanence that we may take comfort as well.

We may consider impermanence as the 'toolbox' in which our emptions reside. When we need joy we reach into our emotional toolbox and use 'joy'. When we are finished, we simply put it back for future use.

But some toolboxes don't get replaced. Instead the tool, or emotion in this case, stays with the person, much like a toolbelt. After awhile the toolbelt gets full, cumbersome to carry, and noisy as we walk. We no longer need the hammer, but we choose to carry it anyway. 

In other words, we hold on to said 'emotion' too long and it becomes counter productive to living in the moment appropriately, this emotion no longer serves to your advantage. We bring about suffering by attachment. 

Now we may ask how long is a moment. A moment certainly is not a decade, a year, a even a month. To some degree, this depends on the individual circumstance. The death of a dear loved one or a birth may last a week or so. However a graduation may only last a few hours. Making the red light so you are not late to work may only last a few seconds.

It is important for each of us to be sure that we use our emotions appropriately and that we return them to our toolbox so that we do not end up carrying too much of a load in our daily lives. If we do, we end up risking our mental well-being because after all, you are much more than any single emotion.

  

Sathu. Sathu. Sathu.
 
Educate Your Mind With The Dharma.
 
**********************************************************************************************
Vladimir warmly and skillfully passes on the Buddhas Dharma to a world in need of loving-kindness, compassion, and empathy for the benefit of all living beings.
 
To learn more about us and for free mindfulness and mediation resources you are warmly invited to visit: www.bluelotusmeditation.us
 
Looking for a way to help guide others? Become a Blue Lotus Aspirant here: https://bluelotusmeditation.us/continue-your-journey
 
US Tax deductible donations may be offered here: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=88BRNH3K7Y7FQ
 
Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a 501(c)(3) Buddhist society.

Dealing With The Anger Inside

We all experience anger at times and it’s important to determine the true cause of our anger. But before we do, I’d like to point out a common saying when it comes to anger and that is ‘it’s a normal human emotion’. So, I’d like to examine this very notion a little more.

We often associate ‘normal’ with ‘healthy’ and this misunderstanding contributes to more suffering. There are many things in this world that are ‘normal’ but unhealthy, radioactivity comes to mind. Radiation is a normal byproduct of some natural elements as they decay but exposure results in harmful effects to the living organisms. Anger is in the same category, normal but harmful.

When we examine the Buddhas wise words we come across where he talks about the three poisons – greed, anger, and ignorance and their destructive power. And he goes on to mention how each of these three poisons or mental conditions feed off one another. If we don’t get what we want (greed) we get angry. And when we get angry, we act without clear thought to try to acquire what we didn’t get (greed) in the first place. It becomes a perpetual cycle of suffering even though the specific object of our desire may change.

So how may we, with mindful awareness and care, minimize the harmful effects of anger?

The very first step is to recognize that we are angry. This may sound simple but can be difficult when we’re ‘in the heat of the moment’. Too often we don’t recognize the initial stages of anger, tight lips, tight chest, sweating, or beginning to feel hot, until it’s too late.

Once we recognize we are angry it’s important to accept that we are angry. Not at someone else but that we ourselves are angry. Anger is a condition that we have allowed to rise and as with all emotions we are solely responsible for it, no one else. Acceptance is taking responsibility for that response and not trying to bury or hide it with shame or guilt. For when we take responsibility for an emotion, we are then able to care for it which is our next step.

Caring for an emotion might sound funny, especially for one that has been described as a poison. But, caring for it is exactly what we must do.

Consider a screaming child, one who perhaps had a bad dream. We would never consider yelling at a child in such a state of fear to ‘be quiet’ or ‘go back to bed’. Instead, what would we do? We would hold and comfort the child, reassuring them that all is well and that they are safe. Soon, the child is fast asleep and back in their bed.

The same holds true with anger. We don’t fight it, nor do we ‘give in’ to it. Instead, we say ‘let me hold, comfort, and reassure you that you are safe’. When beings, and emotions, have feelings of warmth and security the only natural response is one of happiness, joy, and nurturing.

You too have the capacity to overcome anger and replace it with something more helpful and constructive and the Buddha has shown us a path to walk upon, The Noble Eightfold Path.

Wishing you continued peace and wellbeing,

 

Vladimir

 

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