Death happens to us all. For some, life will be long and last many decades or perhaps all the way to the century point. Others, death may come much, much, sooner. Some may experience a violent death. Some may succumb to disease or illness, while most simply die in their sleep peacefully.
There is no escaping this natural process. We all are born.
Live for a certain amount of time. And then we pass on to the next state.
And when this passing occurs, shortly thereafter family, friends, and loved ones gather to remember and honor this person. This loving occasion, in one form or another, is common to all religions and people of the world.
One of my revered and sacred duties is to help honor and
remember those who has passed in the Buddhist tradition. And over this past
weekend my services were required.
I was approached by this loving family about a month ago and
they asked if I was able to provide this type of service for their beloved
family member. I replied in the affirmative and we began to work out the
details since they were all coming from out of town.
There are many ways and traditions that may be followed
depending on tone one would like to set but generally they range from
traditional services to informal to somewhere in-between. However, they all
encompass some traditional aspects such as paying reverence to the Buddha,
sutras, and to referring to the person who has passed. In most traditions we
refer to the one who has passed as still with us and addressing them by name.
Coming from a predominantly Christian family, the family members I had the pleasure to present to were kind and welcoming but a little unsure of what to expect. Afterall this was, I assume, the first time they had ever experienced any type of religious service other than a Christian one.
An alter was already set up with some wonderful pictures of
the deceased that spanned throughout their life, there was a beautiful flower arraignment,
as well as their ashes. I added some candles and invited others to light an
incense stick if they wanted.
As I began, I warmly welcomed them and thanked them for
coming to this service. I set the tone as one of light and informal, yet a
supportive, gathering of friends. This matched the deceased persons
personality.
When speaking to any audience it’s important to make some
type of connection. Here I chose to highlight the similarities between the two
types of services. In Buddhist services we offer homage to the Buddha. I let
them know that Buddhist don’t regard him as a ‘God’ but we are acknowledging
his achievements, much like a Christian might prey to St. Christopher before a
journey or a high school student would to St. Mary before a math test.
Where something new or unfamiliar occurred, I explained the significance.
This is how you build an understanding and promote growth.
After this was the eulogy which was then followed by an opportunity for family and friends to share their stories and fond memories of the deceased. As with most public speaking it’s hard to get the first one going but when it happens stories flow like a waterfall. It truly is an amazing time for all.
We talked about the many gifts this person gave to those
around her, from people needing guidance, to appliances, or just a warm hug. This
person was always there to help support. And I gently let the audience know
that this gathering too was a gift. It’s
a gift because many had not seen each other in many years, it offered an
opportunity to overcome any petty disputes, and an opportunity to strengthen
these very important family bonds. This was the final gift that was given to each
one present.
I finished the service and I did notice people moving to different
parts of the room and talking.
On my way out I was approached and told that initially many
were skeptical of a Buddhist service at first, not knowing what to expect, but afterwards
several viewpoints changed, and minds were opened.
And with that my friends I wish you all peace and ease,
Vladimir
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