The Controlling Self

Letting Go Of The Future.

Put your hand over your heart. Take a few moments to feel the pulse of each beat.

Feel your breathing. Take a few moments to feel each rise and fall of each breath. 

Can you stop or control either one? For how long?

Think about a time when you said something you later regretted (either right then or later). 

How did it make you feel? Was that the real ‘you’?

In some sense we all want to control ourselves and others as well as situations. But are any of these actually feasible?

With the exception of yourself most often the answer is no. We are not in control of others behavior, no matter our position in relation to them. What you are in control of is yourself and how you react to a situation.

When I say 'a situation' remember, I am not only referring to something what may be perceived as negative but it very well could be positive in our perspective.

But what is control at it's very essence? Control is the desire to influence the future to your benefit. Is this type of manipulation something that is even possible?

Think again of when you tried to control your breath a few moments ago. You were able to withhold your breath for only a few moments. After that your body probably started to feel discomfort. You soon realized it was necessary to let go of trying to control and let each breath return to a normal rhythm. There was only so much we could do.

People and situations are very much like this exercise in holding your breath, there is only so much you may do and each person will behave in accordance to their own rhythm, whether it is positive, neutral, or negative.

Let's think of an example that is almost always interpreted as negative - a cheating significant other.

How would you react?

Most would be extremely hurt and because of this hurt they may react violently towards the other either physically, or verbally, or both. This lashing out is a result of hurt ego. An ego that wants to control a certain behavior of another.

However when you step back and view the situation from an entirely different perspective you may see that you were more deserving of a partner who respects you. Often though this realization comes too late or, because of a hurt ego, not at all. Remember, it is never acceptable to act violently towards another.

Let's look at another example, one that could be viewed as positive - a work promotion.

You've worked at a company for many years and finally get the recognition and promotion you feel deserving of. With this promotion comes the added responsibility of leadership.

Being in a position of leadership can often give someone the feeling of control and arrogance. And because of this newly vested authority, you want to make a good impression with your superiors and begin to micromanage the most mundane tasks. This makes your subordinates uneasy and resentful, perhaps to the point of requesting a transfer or even resigning their position. This type of control is an example of an inflated ego.

Maintaining balance within oneself is vital to harmony, not only for your benefit but for the benefit of others as well. Daily reflection or meditation is often necessary to help one achieve the balance that is often sought. So please, take the time to develop your inner being. 

As always, please feel free to post your comments or replies below.

Wishing you peace and ease,

Vladimir

Blue Lotus Meditation And Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.