Dealing With The Anger Inside

We all experience anger at times and it’s important to determine the true cause of our anger. But before we do, I’d like to point out a common saying when it comes to anger and that is ‘it’s a normal human emotion’. So, I’d like to examine this very notion a little more.

We often associate ‘normal’ with ‘healthy’ and this misunderstanding contributes to more suffering. There are many things in this world that are ‘normal’ but unhealthy, radioactivity comes to mind. Radiation is a normal byproduct of some natural elements as they decay but exposure results in harmful effects to the living organisms. Anger is in the same category, normal but harmful.

When we examine the Buddhas wise words we come across where he talks about the three poisons – greed, anger, and ignorance and their destructive power. And he goes on to mention how each of these three poisons or mental conditions feed off one another. If we don’t get what we want (greed) we get angry. And when we get angry, we act without clear thought to try to acquire what we didn’t get (greed) in the first place. It becomes a perpetual cycle of suffering even though the specific object of our desire may change.

So how may we, with mindful awareness and care, minimize the harmful effects of anger?

The very first step is to recognize that we are angry. This may sound simple but can be difficult when we’re ‘in the heat of the moment’. Too often we don’t recognize the initial stages of anger, tight lips, tight chest, sweating, or beginning to feel hot, until it’s too late.

Once we recognize we are angry it’s important to accept that we are angry. Not at someone else but that we ourselves are angry. Anger is a condition that we have allowed to rise and as with all emotions we are solely responsible for it, no one else. Acceptance is taking responsibility for that response and not trying to bury or hide it with shame or guilt. For when we take responsibility for an emotion, we are then able to care for it which is our next step.

Caring for an emotion might sound funny, especially for one that has been described as a poison. But, caring for it is exactly what we must do.

Consider a screaming child, one who perhaps had a bad dream. We would never consider yelling at a child in such a state of fear to ‘be quiet’ or ‘go back to bed’. Instead, what would we do? We would hold and comfort the child, reassuring them that all is well and that they are safe. Soon, the child is fast asleep and back in their bed.

The same holds true with anger. We don’t fight it, nor do we ‘give in’ to it. Instead, we say ‘let me hold, comfort, and reassure you that you are safe’. When beings, and emotions, have feelings of warmth and security the only natural response is one of happiness, joy, and nurturing.

You too have the capacity to overcome anger and replace it with something more helpful and constructive and the Buddha has shown us a path to walk upon, The Noble Eightfold Path.

Wishing you continued peace and wellbeing,

 

Vladimir

 

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