As a male in our society, like many of us I suppose, I was encouraged, or more honestly, taught what it was to be a 'man'. That a 'man' behaves a certain way. He doesn't cry. Doesn't show too much joy or happiness, emotions are a sign of weakness. He's the bread winner of the home. He's the firm disciplinarian. His say is final. He is an avid sports fan. Drinks beer. He cursus. And when his sights are set on a woman he is unapologetically like a panther on a deer.
With all of these 'male' expectations to live up to it's no wonder why there's so much disconnect with who we are on the inside. So much rage and insecurity pile on inside when what he has been taught doesn't come to fruition. Men may feel lost. Men may feel sadness welling inside, like every other human being, but continues to feel the societal pressure to 'be a man'.
This cultural conditioning is passed on to their sons.
Which in turn is passed onto their sons.
Fortunately we are beginning to witness small signs of change in how fathers interact and warmly nurture their sons. For example, we can turn to social media platforms and see post, stories, and reels of fathers not only lovingly embracing their infant and young sons but pre-teen and teen sons as well. Decades ago, even without the ease of posting to social media, this type of care was not likely displayed at home yet alone in public and certainly not for the world to see.
So how do men change their 'tough' exterior to one of nurturing and care?
The very first realization to consider is that what anyone, both woman and men, sees in the mirror is merely a shell containing a consciousness. Your exterior does not 'define' who you are. In our religion until you have experienced enlightenment you will continuously be reincarnated, in other words same the consciousness (or being) as now but in different forms with each rebirth.
So no matter what form you currently inhabit the consciousness that is 'you' is capable of so much more than what is offered to you culturally based upon your sex, physique, or socio-economic status.
As you sit there with or observe or reflect on your son, think back to the reason you decided to become a parent in the first place. Was it so he could be mean to others? Was it so he could be the best fighter in the neighborhood? Was it so he could sexually harass or dominate over women? Or could it have been you wanted him to beat up those who are weaker then he?
I would hope that none of the above were the reasons a man decided to enter parenthood.
Instead we want our son to be kind, considerate, and loving towards others.
When we reframe our perspective from one of the visual, physical, shallow, and ego driven, to one that is more encompassing, eternal, loving, warm, compassionate, empathetic, we are better able to support our sons to navigate healthily in the world in that they will inevitable enter.
So we too as fathers need to let go of ego. Ego is not mindful, aware, open, or compassionate. Ego is nothing more than a thin, frail shell used as a shield to continue doing harm to sons, ourselves, and others.
As fathers we may best support our sons wellbeing by showing that we too are capable of warmth, support, compassion, love, and soft physical connection.
And with that my friends I wish you all peace and ease,
Vladimir
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