Life will always happen around us and to us.
Whether it’s a fortuitous event like an unexpected handwritten letter from a dear friend, a neutral event like you’re sitting on a bus on your way to work, or one that may have significant negative implications like receiving some dreadful news about a loved one.
Negative events seem to have a more lasting impact on our wellbeing than the positive or neutral circumstances. And if we allow ourselves to live in those moments too long they too can bloom into lasting anxiety, despair, and hopelessness.
When we dwell in the negative we are giving ourselves permission to be unkind to our being.
It’s not that you are not allowed to feel sad for a friend or sad for yourself at times. You are and these are normal emotions and it is why we have and experience them from time to time. But staying there too long will have an affect on your long-term wellbeing if not addressed mindfully.
If you will, recall a time when perhaps you dwelled in an unfortunate circumstance too long. Perhaps you were fired or laid off from a job. Maybe a long-term relationship was abruptly ended. Or maybe a much anticipated outcome did not come to fruition as planned. What did you do? How did your behavior change? How did it make your body feel? What thoughts were coming to mind.
Now, recalling that same instance, what brought you out of the negative mindset? You may answer friends, family, or even a vacation. If you said any of these, or something else, you’d be wrong.
So what then did bring you out of this negative mind-space?
It was you. No one has the power over you, that power of healing is something only you possess. No one may 'make' you feel any type of way. Your feelings are simply what 'you' give permission to or allow to bloom. No one may give you that gift other than yourself.
Sure, others may point out or list the positives within you but it is ultimately your decision to say ‘yes, the good qualities they see in me are true’. And then you, no one else, decides to embrace them.
So what made you finally move from this saddened mindset to one of moving forward?
Maybe it was the realization that you are worthy. That you are not lacking or wanting.
You simply realized that the suffering you were allowing yourself to sit with was not healing. You were in what I call a mind swamp. You let go of a past that was anchoring you in a place that was un-nurturing.
But now reflect on how long it took you to realize your worthiness and not remain in this mind-swamp? Was it hours, days, weeks, months, or perhaps even years?
As mindfulness practitioners we know that all things, including circumstances are impermanent. And this is an important understanding because it reveals to us that life is truly beautiful when we are aware of this impermanent quality.
So how may we move past our mind-swamp into someplace more nurturing?
We will look towards the Buddha for some of his insightful teachings.
One method he suggests as teaches is:
If some unskilled thoughts associated with desire, aversion or confusion arise and disturb the mind, you should attend instead to another characteristic which is associated with what is skilled . . . It is like a skilled carpenter who can knock out a large peg with a small peg.
You simply replace the negative thought with one that is more wholesome and welcoming. This may sound simple but it can be hard because we like to hold on to what we're comfortable with, even if it's painful.
The second method the Buddha suggests when dealing with disturbing thoughts is:
Scrutinize the peril of these unskilled thoughts by thinking: 'these are unskilled thoughts, these are thoughts that have errors, indeed these are thoughts that are of painful results . . . It is like a woman or a man, young and fond of adornment, who if the carcass of a snake or a dog were hanging around their neck would be revolted and disgusted and throw it away immediately as soon as they noticed it.
Here you recognize that these thoughts are harmful, have impacts, and will, without a doubt, perpetuate your suffering. When you are lost in your negative thoughts you will continue to justify them. Simply let them go.
I would like to leave you with this about the power of your thoughts again from the Buddha:
The thought manifests as the word;
The word manifests as a deed;
The deed develops into habit
And habit hardens into character.
So watch the thought and its ways with care
And let it spring from love
Born out of concern for all beings.
Take time to reflect on these teachings and examples and see how best they may fit into your own lives.
I wish you all peace , ease, and wellbeing.
Vladimir
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