The first Noble Truth of Buddhism easily states that there is suffering in life. Suffering is an inherent component of existence. Therefor we will experience days that are challenging, upsetting, or downright scary to us.
Maybe we miss our bus or train to work.
An important relationship of ours ends without warning.
Bad weather cancels an event we have been looking forward to for so long.
Or perhaps we receive the news that a loved one has passed away.
Any one of these situations or a multitude of others may make us feel that our day, our week, or even our lives are over. But these thoughts only reinforce our notion of permanence and clinging to 'way things were'.
However, when we remove these surficial response or our initial reactions of these feelings we begin to realize yes, that experience may not be what we desired or expected but it is here now.
The more we resist the experience the more we will continue to suffer from the experience.
We agree to accept the experience for what it is.
It’s only when we accept an experience that is hard or unexpectedly challenging that we are able to find gratitude in that present moment.
Imagine you come home from work one day and your home is empty.
On the table is a note from your partner saying that they were unhappy and felt it necessary to end this relationship.
Your initial response could be one of fear, or anger, or uncertainty. Who will love me? I’ll never make it without them in my life. I’m sure there are a lot of other things you may say as well in your mind if not aloud.
But notice the focus of these questions and statements: ‘Me’
And if we continue with these self-centered thoughts that are no-doubt debilitating and untrue about yourself we will not be able to find the gratitude from that experience.
That experience taught you some valuable lessons or offered some important experience.
Maybe you learned how to cook. Or balance a checkbook. Or paint. Or exercise.
If it was an exercise routine maybe you're in better physical condition than before. That's certainly a positive outcome from this relationship.
Another example could be the following.
Maybe your alarm clock malfunctions and you wake up late for work. Not by a little but by a lot. There is no way you’ll get to work at your scheduled time. You call your supervisor with some anxiety and trepidation but calmly let them know you’ll be late.
It turns out that there was a large power outage at 3 AM as a result of a passing storm and you’re not the only one that was affected by this unexpected event.
As you hang up the phone you look out the window and just above the horizon you see the most beautiful sunrise that you’ve seen in such a long time. You realize that this is a sight you haven't seen in a long time because by now you're in the office.
In this example there are at least two opportunities to be grateful for.
One, you were able to experience the beauty of the new day beginning. From the deep purples, to lavenders, to salmon, to a beautiful blue sky.
And two, you have a supervisor that is understanding of others challenging life experiences.
But not every experience is benign as a power outage so how do we find gratitude when a loved one passes?
The passing of a loved one elicits a much deeper emotional response depending on the level of bonding between two people, but what one may do is not to think of the loss of the person but to be grateful for the experience.
There are now 8 billion people on Earth and you will only ever encounter a very, very small percentage of its inhabitants. So the fact that the two of you were able to share many times together is a very unique experience shared only between the two of you. And that gift is one that truly never disappears and is something to be grateful for.
We will all experience times of disappointment, grief, sadness, and hardship. But how long we live in those moments is entirely up to us. And the more we focus on ‘us’ and not the moment we will continue to perpetuate a clouded perspective.
When we learn to respond to a situation rather than react to one we are able to find gratitude in it, no matter how saddening or challenging it is.
And when we learn to respond with openness instead of resistance, curiosity instead of certainty, love instead of fear, we are able to allow ourselves to experience the joy of gratitude.
Wishing you continued peace and wellbeing,
Vladimir
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