The Importance of Gratitude

Opening Our Hearts To Receive Joy

With Thanksgiving right around the corner, we often become more mindful of what we’ve been fortunate to have received, or not received, over the course of the year. We reflect on the trials and tribulations we’ve overcome, as well as fond memories formed, accomplishments and achievements, all the while rejoicing in being here, in the present moment. 

I would think that 2021 has been better than 2020 for most of us and that is something to be thankful for this year. Although we celebrate Thanksgiving with food, laughter, hugs, and affection, Thanksgiving contains a much deeper meaning.

As I write this I’m listening to My Life by The Beatles. It may sound like a sad song but if you listen to it it’s a beautiful reflection of ‘people and things that went before’. Everything in life changes, people, places, and memories will not remain the same. As a result of these changes, we reflect on the past with a certain nostalgia making it necessary to cultivate thankfulness for what we have received, even if it’s a memory of loss or hardship.

Although we may be grateful for someone holding open a door, letting us cut in line when we only have a few items, we truly recognize thankfulness when we overcome a situation where we were faced with the possibility of something precious taken from us. 

Overcoming these trying times with the support of family and friends, or even by yourself, is a wonderful accomplishment and illustrates the importance of being thankful, the essence of Thanksgiving.

Here are a few considerations you may be grateful for:

• Waking up this morning. Many won't and being alive is a wonderful gift.
• Clean air. You don't need to live on a mountain top or forest to appreciate a deep inhale and exhale.
• Clean water. You don't need to go to a well or river to drink. Fresh, clean water is right in your tap.
• Your clothing. Clothing is designed to protect you from the elements. No matter what you have on it's doing it's job and many do not have clothing as well.
• Shelter. You don't need a fancy home or even an apartment to be grateful for shelter. Shelter is anything that protects you from the elements, including a tent.
• Food. If you ate last night, you were more fortunate than many others.  

As you cultivate gratitude for what you have now, you may also bring mindful awareness to where you may be tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. When you have gratitude for what you have in the present moment you will ring this joy with you into all that you may have and experience in the future.

For it is when we are thankful that we are more open to compassion and forgiveness to ourselves and to others. So, as you begin to reflect this season, offer yourself compassion and forgiveness and reach out to those who may be hurting. Your caring voice may be the only one they hear and as a result maybe a bountiful cornucopia of blessings spring forward towards you both.

Wishing you all a joyful Thanksgiving,

Vladimir

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

Ten Signs Your Wellbeing Is Off Balance - Part 2

Welcome back my friends. 

Have you had the opportunity to consider the first five signs from our last post? What did you think?

Now we'll consider there remaining five signs you're off balance.

You’re short tempered
Short temperedness is a strong sign of imbalance and can find itself in the company of someone with an immature social-emotional level.

Short temperedness lies with someone who expects perfection in time and deed which we know is an impossible standard as well as wanting to control the actions of others. 

Consider ow much of our valuable time do we spend planning every single detail of every event, or being disappointed at someone else behavior. 

To avert the long-term dangers of being short tempered one should, with all sincerity, learn to let go of the idea of perfection and enjoy the feeling of unburdening.

You don’t enjoy alone time
Why are you uncomfortable with yourself? Is it too quiet in your home, and you find this unnerving? This is a sign of an overactive (out of balance) mind that desires the need to continuously have stimuli. A calm lake doesn't need to have waves in order to be happy with itself. Like the body, the mind needs to relax, and you need to be yourself.

You don’t like people   

Humans are social animals and societies have evolved around this organization for safety and community. Saying you ‘don’t’ like people is an overgeneralization. This limiting mindset often originates from either a fear of yourself not belonging to a group or the inability to allow yourself to experience with openness the good people truly have to offer. Both circumstances shield you from wonderful experiences due to you holding unrealistic expectations of others as well as not having an openness towards the beauty of people.

Too much entertainment
This is a form of escapism where one turns to diversionary activities like reading, TV, video games, music to avoid knowing and perhaps dealing with emotions or feelings in an honest way.

Do we all need to take a break at times? Sure, we do and in doing so it allows us to unwind mentally and physically. But escapism in some sense can lead to procrastination towards important tasks.

You’re always on the go
This too is a form of escapism and can be a sign of dissatisfaction at home. Home in this sense isn’t necessarily where you sleep, it’s you and your inner being. Being constantly busy is living in the future and not in the present moment. You are planning your next 'adventure'. The ‘always on the go’ is exhausting and depleting of your energy as you look for the next distraction.  

That concludes our ten signs but remember, this isn't to say that just because you experience one or more of these signs at one time or another you will stay there. As with everything in existence, emotions will arise, exist for a time, and then dissipate.

So when one of these signs does arise, recognize it, sit with it for  time, and then let it go.   

I wish you peace and ease,

Vladimir

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

Ten Signs Your Wellbeing Is Off Balance - Part 1

Recognizing Signs Of Our Own Suffering

Our mental wellbeing is so very vital to happiness in all aspects of our lives. It's important to notice when we're starting to become off balance and then to take the kind and compassionate steps to return to balance.

And as we work towards a more balanced lifestyle with mindfulness we need to be aware as to when our well-being is in jeopardy. It takes mindful practice to notice when these feelings begin arise and it certainly takes practice to understand their true origins or why we feel them in the first place.

In this post I'll identify the first five and conclude with the remaining five in our next post.

There can be significant overlap when we experience these feelings and behaviors thus they are presented in no particular order.

1. You're Opinionated
2. You're Controlling
3. You Minimize
4. You Catastrophize
5. You're Sarcastic

You're opinionated

We all have our likes and dislikes but is it necessary to express them? No. Most often ‘opinions’ are really complaints. For example: do you prefer strawberries or pears? That would be an opinion. The complaint could be: ‘I hate strawberries because the seeds get caught in my teeth’.

The first example is merely an opinion which is certainly up to an individual. The complaint about the seeds in your teeth, although a valid consideration, is a negative emotion. Watering negativity in this manner promotes more negativity which is mentally unhealthy.

You’re controlling
Your expectations are unrealistic. Trying to control or manipulate the smallest detail is not possible and in doing so you miss out on all of the joy that life has to offer. Always looking for something out of place or telling others how to behave is exhausting, physically and mentally. 

Learn to let go and accept that people will make mistakes and plans are really only suggestions and not certain. 

          
You minimize
Somethings are a ‘big deal’ and feelings are certainly one of them. If someone tells you that you hurt their feelings and your response is ‘ toughen up’ or ‘get thicker skin’ you are minimizing the validity of their feeling with your speech. When you minimize someone else you are, in-fact, also minimizing your well-being by nurturing callousness towards others.

Accept what they say as truthful and apologize.

 
You catastrophize
One the opposite side of minimization is catastrophizing behavior. Assuming that the worst will happen is watering negativity. For example: you divorce/separate/break up from a long-term partner and you think ‘I’ll never find anyone to love me’. 

 
You know this statement isn’t true and even though it may by hyperbole to some extent you’re still nurturing negativity towards yourself. So why put forth the energy towards these statements.

You’re sarcastic
Sarcasm is extreamly detrimental to one’s well-being and is an  attempt to mask pain, hurt, or disappointment with humor. It’s also a scream for affirmation and acceptance. We see this a lot on TV and movies and it has become so commonplace that society views it as normal but in actuality waters feelings of sadness and unworthiness.

  

Until our next post I invite you to journal each time you notice these feelings or behaviors beginning to surface. At the end of the week count these occurrences and see if you begin to notice a pattern.

 

I wish you peace and ease,

Vladimir

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

Shedding Our Shame

Letting Go Of Our Own Controlling Mindset

What is shame?

Before we get into that we need to understand ego.

Ego is the sense of who we are or at least who we ‘think’ we are. For example, we may identify as male or female, Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, conservative, liberal, American, Dominican, French, white, black, Asian the list is endless.

But are you? Is that what ‘you’ are? 

We are no more any one or several of these self-identifiers or emotions than you are entirely any one emotion: happy, sad, angry, jealous, or disgusted or pleased. These qualities are simply attributes we assign to what we see in a mirror.

Consider the chair you’re sitting in. Together it is a chair but if you break it down it consists of 4 legs, a seat, and a back-rest. 

Remove any one of these items and it’s no longer a chair and it doesn't exist. Even though those parts exist they are not a chair.

Ego is a culmination of many qualities, so in essence ego, therefore, the self is non-existent.

We perceive ourselves as fixed or unchanging. Or, in other words we hold onto ego to define ‘us’ and subsequently remain attached to our definition of ‘us’.

Shame supports attachment and the egocentric view we hold about ourselves. 

Now that we have a general or basic idea of ego and ‘us’ let's consider what shame is not and what it is.

Shame is not remorse nor is it guilt. Remorse or guilt means we are sorry for our actions. ‘I’m sorry I overslept and missed your call.’ ‘I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.” 

Shame says ‘I’m not good enough, or I’m unworthy, or something is inherently wrong with me, or I am flawed’.

You are not flawed in your being. You may make mistakes in judgment at times.

If we were to manifest shame as a person they would be considered an abusive person. Someone we would not want to be in a relationship with.

But often in abusive relationships we justify them and remain out of fear. 

In Buddhism there are two words used to consider what we call ‘shame’ in English.

Hri and Apatrapya.

Hri means to refrain from unwholesome actions due to one's own conscience (self-respect).

And apatrapya means to refrain from unwholesome actions to avoid being reproached by others.

Neither one of these definitions relate to the self destructive feelings or views most of us have been taught to associate with ‘shame’.

We can learn to shed our shame.

Instead of being fearful of not being good enough, or unworthy, or that there’s something wrong with you let’s instead invite compassion in.

Compassion is warm, forgiving, and embracing. It allows us to acknowledge what we are feeling without judgment and to explore why we may be feeling these emotions.

Let me offer an example, at one time or another you’ve probably witnessed a parent with a crying or screaming child. Among the many sayings some parents use is the phrase ‘you should be ashamed of yourself for acting this way in public’. 

This is supposed to quiet the child into submission. Children don't necessarily know the meaning of shame but do know the tone, usually condescending, of their parents' voice and that their behavior was bad. 

Maybe they quiet down. Maybe not.

But what seeds are watered in this circumstance?

One of fear and one of poor self-esteem. That the way they behaved, although undesirable, tells the child that there is something wrong with ‘them’ on the inside. And this is not true.

Again, if this were an adult relationship we could consider this emotional abuse.

Another example could be: an adult returning back to school after several decades. Maybe they don’t have a strong support system at home. It’s been a long time since they’ve had to study like back in high school. Maybe they’re uncertain about ‘how to’ study but they still put forth their best effort. 

They take the test and don’t pass. Thoughts of unworthiness and that they’re not good enough begin to form inside their head. And because of an unsupportive family system they don't want to mention to their spouse or children how they fared. They feel shame. They did their best with the tools they had available. There is nothing ‘flawed’ with their being.

So what are some ways we can invite the warmth of compassion into this situation?

When we invite compassion into our being we understand that we are learning or relearning something. We wouldn’t be harsh to an infant learning to walk. At the slightest teeter we’re there with open arms and a warm smile as they develop balance, confidence, and trust. 

The same holds true for ourselves. When we teeter we can be there with open arms and a warm smile as we develop a skill that may be unfamiliar with. We are not flawed nor unworthy, we are learning. We have become attached to the negative thoughts of ‘us’.

You can shed your shame because you are pursuing a noble path.

But what about if you’re a crime victim? This wasn’t a test you were studying for. Here, there was no way any of your actions influenced an outcome. This was an action well beyond your control and perpetrated by someone else. So why feel shame?

Shame here originates from the feeling of something taken away, an attachment, from you without your consent. It’s a violation. Maybe you felt you should have been more prepared. Maybe you feel you shouldn’t have been in that area...maybe this, maybe that, maybe a million different maybes’. Again here, we have become attached to the negative thoughts that protect our view of ‘us’.

So how do we offer compassion towards ourselves in these situations?

The same way as we mentioned earlier. We accept the experience happened but that it can no longer hurt us. Just like when a child falls, the fall is over.

We open our hearts to ourselves this time. Yes, this terrible thing happened to me. I am in a place of safety now. I did nothing wrong. I am not flawed. 

I am not broken. I am deserving of love. I am deserving of joy. I am deserving of wellbeing.

Instead of the negative self-destructing seeds that do not promote well being, these statements of affirmation are the seeds we can choose to water instead.

I am not broken. I am deserving of love. I am deserving of joy. I am deserving of wellbeing.

I hope this helps you move forward with the beautiful life you are given to enjoy. If you need any additional resources, please feel free to reach out to me.

I wish you peace and ease.

Vladimir

Blue Lotus Meditation and Mindfulness Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

The Thirty-Three Year Old Grudge

Holding On To The Past To Inhibit Love

Imagine being angry all of the time. What damage must that do to your spirit over the course of an hour? A day? A week? Or, 30 years?

We have often heard that holding onto anger and resentment is like travelling with excess baggage at the airport terminal. It is cumbersome to move around, we bump into people along the way, and we may not get to our gate on-time. It certainly makes for an unpleasant experience moving from one location to another.

Now, imagine holding onto a grudge because of something that happened, not necessarily to you, but within a family. Divorce.

Children and young teens often lack the emotional maturity to realize that whatever is happening between the parents has nothing to do with them. 

Lacking the necessary coping skills, young people often express themselves through unhealthy ways. Violence, sexual activity, stealing, thrill-seeking, drugs, or alcohol may be among these expressions.

All of these actions, and many more, are examples of suffering. 

And as a result, sadly, this all too often extends suffering towards other family members and friends as well. 

In other terms, suffering is labeled as a traumatic experience. And it’s important to remember that trauma is defined by the survivor not necessarily by a specific circumstance.

Sometimes as children mature they 'grow' out of this self-destructive behavior. They've learned to accept the circumstance and to let go of the past so that they may move forward and blossom. 

Sometimes they do not.

It's commonly believed that people need to 'integrate' their trauma to overcome or deal with the experience but that's not true. The traumatic event has already happened. It no longer exists, the danger has passed, but remains in the memory. 

It's commonly believed that people need to 'integrate' their trauma to overcome or deal with it but that's not true. The traumatic event has already happened. It no longer exists, the danger has passed, but remains in the memory. 

The next step, which can be difficult, is accepting that what has happened did happen, and realize it is in the past which can no longer affect us. Acceptance is then followed by letting go, which too can be difficult as well. 

Acceptance and letting go can be successfully accomplished with mindful meditation.   

Imagine a couple divorcing over 30 years ago and one child, now in their upper 40s, still using that experience as justification for their current behavior. 

'I act the way I do in 2021 because of what happened in 1988'

Knowingly causing harm to themselves and others but not seeking the help necessary to stop the suffering that they continuously experience has persisted for decades.

This traumatic event, for this poor child, has been watered and nurtured into resentment and has now manifested as a long-term grudge. 

Long-term happiness, balance, and joy have been replaced with superficial, short-term relationships, low self-esteem, negative police interactions, and perpetual suffering.

This is not a wholesome and balanced lifestyle especially when so much more is out there and readily available.

Sadly, this has been a long, lonely time to carry this baggage in a terminal to not arrive at a peaceful destination. 

So how may mindfulness help relieve this suffering?

When we sit mindfully breathing in, we can say ‘As I breath in I feel my suffering’. ‘As I breath out I walk forward with peace’

The in breath acknowledges and accepts the suffering they are experiencing while the exhale allows this suffering to pass and they may walk forward without continued suffering.

If you know of someone who has experienced a traumatic event let them know that help is available.

I wish you peace and ease,

Vladimir

Blue Lotus Mindfulness and Meditation Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

What Is Our True Being

Looking Mindfully Inward.

Who are we deep inside? Are we a complex or  simple beings? Are we still or in motion, always doing?

Consider for a moment water flowing in a gentle stream. You may see small amounts of debris or leaves gently moving along the surface. Maybe you see the small undulations of the ripples. Or perhaps small grains of sand moving along the bottom with the flow. This is the nature of water. Even the stillest of lakes has some movement.

Now, consider if you will, the water in a calm lake or pond on an sunny, windless day. Water fills the depression of the land to a point of equilibrium, a separation of water and land. 

As a result of your perspective, you can see the bottom only near the shoreline but not closer towards the center. 

But even in the depths there is gentle movement. Small currents beneath the surface are present as the sun warms the water. This is the being of water. And this is the being of you and all living organisms.

Even down to the molecular level, the water molecule is vibrating. And this too is the being of water.

Now bring attention to yourself, your being. 

What is your being? Are you doing or not doing? Do you exist or do you not exist? Is it true that you think therefor you are?

When you are walking, you are doing more than moving your feet from one spot to another. You are breathing in. You are breathing out. You are looking, hearing, feeling the air and temperature on your skin. You are observing what is around you. Utilizing your senses you are connecting to the world around you. This is your being.

When you are sitting you are doing more than being stationary. Again, you are breathing in. You are breathing out. You are feeling the pressure of your bottom pushing on the seat. You are thinking, smelling, observing your surroundings. Here too, you are utilizing your senses to connect to the world around you. This too, is your being.

When we look at our actions, no matter how big or small, our thoughts, our words, our emotions, that is our being. And this is our doing. 

We carry our being with us where ever we go and in all of our doings. We are always true to our being, observing mindfully our thoughts, our actions, and our feelings. Not judging them in any way, only observing. Our being is our loving companion as we walk along our mindful journey.

We are more than a collections of bones, organs, skin, blood, thoughts, feelings, and actions. Our being is more than a sum of the physical body we see in the mirror and more than what anyone else may see when they gaze upon us. Or being is loving kindness and therefore extends beyond the physical and into the spiritual which connects us all.

It is with that connection that we all share the same world, the same presence. Much as a single molecule is connected to an entire lake and is no more or less important than another, so too are we. Connected to each other in a meaningful way. 

I wish you peace and ease,

Vladimir

Blue Lotus Mindfulness and Meditation Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.

How Mindfulness Literally Saved A Life

The Power Of Doing Nothing

We all have read a poem or story or heard a speech that moved us in some way. Sometimes these words are so moving and life altering that they help us to adjust course along our life's path.

We often do not understand the power of our words. Some people do and use this realization for either personal gain or for the benefit of others. It is also important to realize that you do not need to be in a position of power to have this effect on people too. It could be a small post on social media, a kind word to a stranger passing by, that impacts a persons life.

To my knowledge I have never been that person who had positively impacted another's life in such a way. It was not until the other day when I had a very humbling conversation with one of my practitioners who passed on a conversation they had had with another fellow practitioner.

It was related to me that this person had accidently stumbled on our Sangha and thought what the heck, I'll give mindfulness meditation a try.

It turns out this fortunate encounter saved their life, literally. There was a lot going on in this persons life and they were at an impasse. But the practice of sitting and 'doing nothing', connecting with themselves and the world around them, and relearning all that they had been taught in the past changed their perspective for the better.

Mindfulness allowed them to change their perspective from one that had a catastrophic outcome to one that was more subdued and then eventually to one of balance. Perspective is an important consideration when analyzing a situation. Most often we view circumstances in the most catastrophic manner possible. And more realistically it is not typically a viable outcome.

People often tend to dwell on a situation, playing it forwards and backwards, constructing 'what if's' that too will never come to fruition all in the name of 'covering their bases'. When we look back at many of these events in our own lives we see that they very seldom happen and if they do it is no where near as bad as we play in our minds.

All in all, you are still here and you have overcome what ever the circumstance was.

The situation they were currently dealing with did not change. However their perspective, or view, as a direct result of sitting mindfully, connecting with themselves to achieve calmness of this circumstance did. And that is one of the many results of mindfulness.

One person can make a difference and that person can easily be you. Everyone you meet, even for the briefest of moments, whether it is at the grocery store, the cashier at a restaurant, the cart collector at a retail store, is an opportunity for you to help someone.

Many people are fighting internal battles which we will never know and part of being a mindfulness practitioner is helping people ease their suffering.

Be kind. Be considerate. Be empathetic. You never know what someone else is going through.

I wish you all peace and ease.

Vladimir

Blue Lotus Mindfulness and Meditation Center is a registered 501(c)(3) religious organization.